“I’ve been roaming around… I was looking down at all I see… Painted faces fill the places I can’t reach… You know that I could use somebody… You know that I could use somebody… Someone like you and all you know and how you speak… Countless lovers under cover of the street… You know that I could use somebody… You know that I could use somebody… Someone like you… Off in the night, while you live it up, I’m off to sleep… Waging war to shake the poet and the beat… I hope it’s gonna make you notice… I hope it’s gonna make you notice… Someone like me…” –Kings of Leon, “Use Somebody”
Due to a very serious, very personal matter that has knocked me completely off my block—and who doesn’t have one of those from time to time?—I will admit, I have been completely uninspired to write this month’s edition of this editorial. To be quite honest, the new issue comes out tomorrow and I am sitting at this computer, glancing over at the above lyrics written on a notepad, with no idea what will come out or if anything will even come. There were a few songs I contemplated writing on, but, the more I listened to them for inspiration, the less writing I was able to do.
I thought about simply giving you quotes from a few songs that I find inspirational or that otherwise speak to my current situation. I know that a lot of you out there are gradually shedding the weighted burdens of 2009 in exchange for the newness of 2010, so I figured that you could find inspiration in them, as well. But, I’m not going to do that. I’m going to be completely honest with you.
2009 was a horrible year. Granted, there were a few good things that happened, but, for the most part, 2009 was a mess—at least, for me it was. December alone had me experiencing the worst heartache I have ever felt from the one person in the world I thought would never, ever hurt me so blindly and continuously. I fought shamelessly to help and heal someone who knew all along that they had betrayed me, yet blamed me and took me through hell instead of being honest. I came out of it much more aware and a helluva lot stronger, but the numbness that I still feel sometimes doesn’t always seem like a fair trade. For one month, I lashed out in frustration and selfishness at people close to me. I later apologized, of course, or otherwise made advances to show that I was sorry. I tried to ignore feelings that, of course, never went away and had to make confessions that I, otherwise, would never have had the courage to make. I wrote poetry. I sketched. I cried. I held my breath in my sleep and woke up crying. I woke from my sleep screaming in anger. I didn’t want to admit it, but I needed somebody…
Slowly, but surely, I had to “spread my needs around” and turn to friends and family members for support. I believe that everyone in our lives has a role: motherly figure, fatherly figure, spiritual advisor, jokester… You know who to turn to in your time of need no matter how stubborn you would rather be. And that’s eXactly what I did.
My friends and family are amazing. They have stood by me throughout this whole ordeal. They let me yell, cuss, and cry just as much as they made me laugh, smile, and think. Each person played their roles at different times of the week (sometimes, even the day) and I am beyond grateful for having such strong, selfless, compassionate people that I can call “family” regardless of whether or not they are blood related. It’s hard admitting that I cannot handle something on my own. No matter how strong I seemed to everyone, I’m glad that each person allowed me the vulnerability of breaking down while encouraging me to remember that this new year… new decade… new day is just for me.
A lot of people have been referring to this period in time as “The You Year”. My dad pretty much said the same thing, telling me to focus on what it is that I want to do. What makes me happy? What do I want to accomplish? Where do I want to go? Not to make resolutions, but to made decisions.
Recently on television, Joel Osteen talked about imagination and images. He said if you believe that you will never do something or be somewhere, then you won’t. You have to envision where you want to be. The images, thoughts, and dreams in your head determine how you feel about yourself and your situation. If you imagine yourself in a positive place surrounded by positive people, you will find yourself there. It may not happen overnight, but it will happen.
So, when I wake in the middle of the night, I immediately start to think of things I know will bring me peace until I fall back asleep. During the day, I let my mind wander just a little bit to pictures of positive places. When I feel emotions swelling up inside of me, I let them come out (because it’s healthy to do so), and then I move my mind to brighter things. It may sound far-fetched, but it really does work if you believe that it will. Give it a try and listen to some music if it helps. And if you find yourself thinking, “You know what? I could use somebody…” don’t be stubborn. Reach out for help. Accept help from those who offer it. And realize that everything happens for a reason and, usually, where you end up is far better than where you came from…
I guess I was able to write this editorial after all :-) Happy You Year and thank you for being amazingly you…
***Lyrically Speaking: The New Year Edition
Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor
as published in eXcape the matriX magazine
www.eXcapethematriX.com
