Lyrically Speaking-XI

“If I could, I would sample your smile… And then I would let my heart beat through the baseline and we would create the greatest love song of all time whenever we stand next to each other… Love, I was the only one made for you… and you… you can be ‘At Last’ by Etta James… me… I’ll be ‘Ooh Child’ when you’re in pain… or you can be candy coated drops of rain even though ‘It Never Rains In Southern California’… and together… me and you… we can be music…” -Rudy Francisco, “Music”, University Ave I have not yet found a single word that describes the relationship that I have with music. Thinking about music reminds me of a Jimmy Cozier song (remember that guy?): “Sometimes I love her… sometimes I love her not… But, I ain’t letting her go… She’s all I got…” As an artist, a woman, and a conscious creature, I cherish the invaluable connection that one can have with a particular song, album, or artist. I bet as some of you were reading the intro stanza, you briefly reminisced about past moments where each song played a role in creating the soundtrack to your life. I think that’s why I get so annoyed beyond belief (and verbal in my disdain) when I turn on the radio and hear track after track of nothingness laid over a “tight beat”. Music used to be about self-expression, sharing information, educating the masses, and creating classic hits that automatically trigger your mind to go back 30 years to the first time you heard it just by hearing the first 5 notes of the melody. Sadly, it’s not like that anymore. A dope poet by the name of Ise Lyfe recently said something at a show that has stuck with me: “We are the space between the ancestors and God… fill it up…” He also talked about how the remedial, repetitive “dance songs” that are infecting our airwaves will be the classics of this time, so basically what we hear on the radio is the legacy of music that we are allowing to be created for our children and our children’s children. How does that make you feel? Think about that: what we are currently hearing on the radio will be the oldies or classics of this time… When I think of “classics” I think of Luther, Patti, Tina, Gerald, and the late, great Michael Jackson. MJ’s music has been weaved into the fabric of the world for decades and years from now, when his music becomes far removed like the jazz, blues, and bee-bop that preceded funk soul, r&b, rap, and hip-hop, what will they play on our oldies stations? “I’m boyfriend #2…”(?) “You’re turning me on… You’re turning me off…”(?) “Do the stanky leg… Do the booty do…”(?) “You’re a jerk… I know…”(?) And my favorite (and by “favorite” I mean, “I still can’t believe Debra Lee let this performance air on the BET Awards/Michael Jackson Tribute Show”: “I wish I could fuck every girl in the world…”(?) These may not be the only songs on the radio at this time, but these are the “hits” being made mostly by one-hit wonder makers, aside from Lil Wayne’s delusional song that uses “love” in place of “fuck” on the radio. And we can’t just count theses artists out because they will probably never make another song again. Though the group that made the song disappeared from the face of music and media, “My Boo” will always be one of my favorite “old-school” jams. I am all for freedom of speech and am not a huge supporter of censorship, but I wonder at what point did we stop supporting edutainment and begin accepting and encouraging what some have deemed “new-age coonery?” When did we stop protecting music the way that we clutch poetry so tightly to our chests? When I turn on the radio, it really causes my spirit to ache because music and specifically the words that are contained within a song have always been a basic necessity in my life. Now, you may think that “necessity” isn’t the correct word to use here, but it is. Even when I’m separated from my iPod, I sing or recite lyrics. Melodies breathe through me and words… well, as Mr. Francisco says: “The right words at the right time can make Paul Bunyan’s ax look weak…” There is a power in words that many great minds understand. That is why a true writer may sit for hours, for days if necessary, staring at a screen or a piece of paper, stressing beyond belief because the right word just cannot be found. Others precariously use words as if they’ve never had a proper English class or simply don’t understand that what we say (or write) could be misinterpreted and it is our responsibility to make ourselves as clear as possible. We underestimate and misuse terms like “I love you” when we mean “I kind of like you a little” or “You’re cool to keep around so long as it benefits me” or “I just want to see you naked.” We suck it up and say “It’s cool” when we could be honest and say, “That is so not cool… I’m so disappointed in you” or “Expletive! Expletive! Expletive, you expletive!” In my interview with Beny Blaq, he states that people perceive him as arrogant basically because he doesn’t interact with them as much as they would prefer. From his perspective, he’s an observant person who listens more than he talks. But, this world has become so fast-paced that when someone takes the time to think before responding to the many methods of instant communication, the other party instantly grows impatient. This new world of social networking sites with live streams, text messages, emails, and instant messages has made people impatient and irrational. We have become so accustomed to getting a person’s attention or response at the exact moment we request it, that any rational person (or person who doesn’t want to talk to you right now) is going to ignore you and may even end the friendship. And so much can be misinterpreted with the way that we “speak” to each other using these methods of quick-munication. It seems like every word has its own acronym now from “lol” to “ttyl” to “smh”. It makes me long for the days when we would carve out a little corner in our days to pick up the phone, tap ten keys, and wait for someone on the other line to greet us joyously. We don’t get to hear people’s voices anymore. And the voices that we do hear on the radio and on the television aren’t doing anything to educate or advance us as an individual, a community, or a people. That’s why I love soulful, classy music… poetry… and spoken word… There’s no rush… no slip-ups… no preconceived notions or assumptions… Just a spectrum of letters… and melodies… “And when my friends ask if you’re my girlfriend… I’ll say, ‘No… she… she is my musician… and me…I guess you could say… I’m her favorite song…”

***Lyrically Speaking-XI Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-X

“Turn the lights out… this shit’s way too fucking bright… why not poke my eyes out… if you wanna mess with my eyesight?… just let me get my head right… where the hell am I?... who are you?... what'd we do… last night?...” –Britney Spears, “Blur”, Circus For the past couple of weeks, I have attempted to write this 10th edition of “Lyrically Speaking”. My cup runneth over with lyrics—as the quotes painted on my home-office’s walls display—but none of them seemed to be worth discussing. I wasn’t inspired. Twice, I sat down and scribbled out bullshit about clever minds and coincidences and something else that is not even worth remembering. I knew what I had written lacked substance and I was embarrassed to submit it; so, I didn’t. Instead, I secretly grew more and more aware that this could be the first month that I had nothing lyrically to speak about. Then, I bought Britney Spears’ newest album. Before you begin to go down the list of drama surrounding the starlet, I urge you to give the album a try. A few songs, for me, are definite misses, but some like “If You Seek Amy”—which a friend’s hubby pointed out sounds awfully close to a two-word expletive phrase—are simply intoxicating whether we want to admit it or not. I’ve been listening to “Blur” in a trance-like repetition for the last two days. Slowly, I’m leaning into “Unusual You”, but something about “Blur” just makes me want to dance. Aside from random Hip-Hop classes, I haven’t really danced since I choreographer and performed to John Legend’s “So High” at my sister’s wedding 4 years ago. I haven’t had much time to dance lately or do any of the things that kept me from becoming a “grown up”. My recent 22nd birthday was a hard thing for me to come to grips with, even though my mother had again faced her fear of flying to visit us from Baltimore and my husband had wrangled up all his friends to meet us at The Cheesecake Factory when all but one of my friends here in Cali had “other plans”. That day, I felt like my childhood was coming to an end because I wasn’t making time for the kid in me. I felt like I’d been living a 27 year-old’s life for so long… what possibly could 22 bring? “Can't remember what I did last night… maybe I shouldn't have given in, but I just couldn't fight… hope I didn't but I think I might've… everything… everything is still a blur…” I will dance again. And I will come to work on a Saturday to finally give into the seductive tree that has been calling out, “Nisey, come climb me and read under the shade of my leaves,” every day as I set out on my 20 minute drive home. See, we tend to take these small things for granted because our high heels, ties, and big boys’ and girls’ pants tell us to trade in our toys for board meetings and beer. Fuck that… “I don’t wanna grow up… I’m a Toys"R"Us kid...” and I will never get rid of my stuffed Tiggers and Barbies… Neither should you. Take time out to do things for the kid in you. Buy an ice cream cone… go skating… skip rocks across a pond… have a sleepover with your best girlfriends… What were your favorite things to do as a kid? Do them! Don’t let this world suck the joy from your life. All work and no play leaves your vision blurred…

***Lyrically Speaking-X Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-IX

“It could all be so simple… but, you’d rather make it hard… loving you is like a battle… and we both end up with scars… tell me who I have to be… to gain some reciprocity… see, no one loves you more than me… and no one ever will…” -Lauryn Hill, “Ex Factor” The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill The first boy to ever show serious interest in me stood at the end of a rectangular table, with a weapon pressed against his throat, yelling, “Jenise! If you won’t marry me, I’ll kill myself!” And I, seated at the other end of the table, being the Taurus that I am, rose up in a bull-like stance, eyes piercing, retorting, “Then, go ahead and do it!” We were in the 2nd grade. And the weapon held tightly in the curly-haired kid’s hand was a plastic spork. Noah was crazy about me. So crazy, in fact, that he spent half of recess chasing me, a blue cone held crooked amidst those dark brown curls. It was like a never-ending game. No matter how fast and long I ran, he trailed right behind me. Until Mrs. Jackson sat him down on the stairs. He whined. She scolded, “Noah, chill out, okay? It’s your birthday.” He didn’t want to chill out. He wanted to kiss me. Need I remind you, we were in the 2nd grade… “Is this just a silly game… that forces you to act this way… forces you to scream my name… then pretend that you can't stay… tell me, who I have to be… to gain some reciprocity… see, no one loves you more than me… and no one ever will…” The kid with the curly hair was unrelenting in his admiration of me. And I, unknowingly, added fuel to the fire by responding adversely. The more I ran, the more he chased, and no matter what I said to him, it never seemed to hurt his feelings or slow his strides. Noah was a fighter. I wonder how I would’ve felt… standing in a crowded room… weapon piercing my throat… calling out to my love… only to have that person say, “Go ahead and do it…” Would I? Or would I continue with my strides in pursuit of my passions, not necessarily a person? Life throws obstacles our way. People say the cruelest of things when we are already two feet below rock bottom. Friends turn their backs to us, family members misuse us, and the sky gets cloudier and cloudier. But, we can’t let that stop us. Those people don’t have control over us any more than my cruel words had control over Noah. He didn’t let that stop him. He continued to annoy me with his love anyway. And, I must admit… I did like him. And we might be good friends to this day if I had responded to his affection differently. See, sometimes the biggest obstacles aren’t external. Sometimes, the biggest obstacles are ourselves… “I keep letting you back in… how can I explain myself… as painful as this thing has been… I just can't be with no one else… see, I know what we got to do… you let go and I'll let go too… 'cause no one's hurt me more than you… and no one ever will…”

***Lyrically Speaking-IX Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-VIII

“If you don’t know… now you know you gonna miss… my love… and I ain’t stressing ‘bout a doggone thang… ‘cause I was true when I gave you… my love… if… you… search you will never find… another love like… my lve… you’re gonna miss me… I ain’t got time while you sit around and play with… my love…” -Destiny’s Child, “If”, Destiny Fulfilled My love is not to be taken for granted. I gave it to you freely and abundantly and you did not appreciate it… When it was there, you weren’t. Now that it’s gone, here you are. But, it’s too late. So, stop calling… stop writing… stop sending “friend requests”… we are not friends. You had your Chance. You choose Community Chess. Well, checkmate. It’s clear that this is not your game. Doesn’t matter. I’m no longer playing. I’m removing my gloves… I’m beginning to think that you never loved me. That all this time, you were a mirage created by my dehydrated heart. I was thirsty for love. Thirsting for a sip that would quench this need, but you merely teased me with a drop on my tongue… I don’t taste you no more. Don’t smell that scent that used to draw me in. Don’t hear that tone that cheered my soul. Don’t feel the way I used to feel… Don’t see why I wasted my time on you… But, I won’t anymore. And you… you don’t have control anymore… Don’t have that hold anymore. Let me go… You didn’t love me when you had me, so… let me go… Didn’t clutch me when I needed an embrace… Didn’t kiss me when I needed to feel your flesh upon my face… let me go… Because I released you… A long time ago… ***People don’t have control over us. We control their impact on our lives. If someone is not loving you the way that you need to be loved or supporting you or accepting of the person that you are, realize that they are who they are, accept it, and let the situation go. You cannot change them; you can only change your perspective. You are beautiful… dynamic… intelligent… unique… and worthy. It may seem like you do, but you do not need their approval. This is your life to live, so live it…

***Lyrically Speaking-VIII Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-VII

“A best friend is one you can do embarrassing things in front of with confidence.” -Ccep J. Dew I was thinking about one of my best friends today. Before I moved here to California, we spent about two months hanging out every week and not one of those days did I feel uncomfortable. From day one to today, I have always felt like myself around Mary. It’s refreshing to feel that way about another person, especially in this day when unhealthy rivalry is so present amongst female friends especially. Mary’s not my only best friend, of course. My husband is my “bestest friend in the whole wide world” and of course there’s my mother and my big sister—plus a few others who are more than friends, but kind of less than best friends—but, the thing I love about my friendship with Mary is that not once have I felt jealous of her and not once has she shown any jealousy towards me. We are beautiful, intelligent, blessed, and gifted young ladies and instead of wanting to one-up one another, we celebrate each other and do what we can to help the other excel. For example, Mary is reading over one of my novels that is no where near the finished perfection I want it to be. But, I trust her with it and I respect her feedback, which is usually along the lines of “You go, girl!” And when she needed a name for her massage practice, I suggested “A Muse’s Touch”, which she eventually chose to use. In my 21 years on this earth, I have had “best friends” come and go, and I can honestly say that Mary is one of the only ones I have ever felt this way about. I don’t have to be better than her. I don’t have to brag to her. I don’t have to downplay her accomplishments to make mine seem bigger. I can be equal to her and I am and wherever life takes me, she can rest assured that I will be buying an extra ticket for her to come with. I never really understood those “sister-friend” movies like Waiting To Exhale until now. In the past, my sister-friends always had to be more than me. They always made it clear that we were friends, as long as I knew my place was second, and I can admit, I’ve done the same with some of my friends. But, I think that’s how you know that particular relationship is seasonal. When you are in need of an ear to listen, and your friend doesn’t answer, and you don’t get mad that they aren’t there at that exact moment… that is true friendship. When your friend gets a great promotion while you are struggling with two jobs and you are genuinely happy for them… that is true friendship. When you can dance like Elaine from Seinfeld and not care that people are staring, while she does the Funky Chicken next to you before breaking out into the Running Man… that is true friendship. There are a few other people I can think of that I can be a total dork around and not care. When I do relax and act like the bookworm nerd that I truly am, they don’t make snide comments, call me names, or anything like that. Usually, they are acting just as dorky, if not more. And I’m grateful to have these people in my life. They make each day a little bit easier. So, I challenge you to reevaluate your friendships. Are you in a competition? Do you often assure yourself that you’re prettier, smarter, or more athletic than your friends? If so, then you should realize that you are feeling insecure and a real friendship shouldn’t make you feel less than, whether the person says things to make you feel bad or if it’s just in your mind. Surround yourself with people who encourage you to sing at the top of your lungs in your best Christina Aguilera voice, knowing full-well that you are no Christina Aguilera. I mean it! Hold onto people who make you smile within and make you want to be the dorkiest you that you can possibly be. My hubby not only encourages me to sing “And I Am Telling You” karaoke-style in our living room, but he joins in for some songs. That’s bestest friendship. That’s true love ***Lyrically Speaking-VII Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-VI

“Ok, here's what I want you to do: I want you to look me right in my eyes… and I want you to tell me… exactly… what you want me to do to you… You ready?” -Ne-Yo, “Say It”, Because of You I know what you’re thinking: “Oh, no she didn’t take it there!” Oh, yes… I did. Ladies and gentlemen, 2009 has begun. We can go back and think about the things we didn’t do in ‘08, the things we didn’t say, the relationships that we didn’t pursue (be they romantic or platonic), the things we didn’t finish, and the things we didn’t even try. But, why do that? Why not focus on today? The present is here. Open your gift. Your gift is your mouth. Your own mouth. You have the ability to speak things into existence and this can work for, as well as against, you. You know how people say, “Be careful what you wish for?” Well, it’s true; especially when you say it aloud. If you want to advance in your career, say so. Tell a mentor who can help you. If you want to lose weight, tell a friend who will support you. If you want to adjust your mentality, say it. Write an affirmation on a piece of paper, tape it to your mirror, and say it every morning: “I am beautiful, I am worthy, and I will make the most of today.” It really is powerful. “Tell me what you want… Oh, you want that? Say the word… Turn around…” -Ne-Yo, “Say It”, Because of You On the flip side, watch what you say. If that hunk-a-chocolate you’ve been eyeing is giving you the eye back, and you know he has a girlfriend, keep your mouth shut! Don’t go tell your best friend, “He is sexy. I want him!” You might get him… and all the drama that comes with it. Thinking lustful, negative, and spiteful things are “bad”, but it’s human, so I can’t knock you. The problem comes when you speak it aloud and confirm your intentions. Be wiser in 2009. Leave that man alone, girl! Now, getting back to this Ne-Yo track… When it comes to your life, your happiness, your fulfillment, your contentment, your satisfaction: say it! Tell the waiter you asked for no onions on your burger… Tell your mother you don’t have time to weed her garden right this second, but you can make time for her Saturday… Tell your boss that you deserve a raise and list the reasons why… Tell your spouse how you are feeling in your relationship… Tell your lover what you like, what you don’t like, and what you might like to try. You’d be surprised. Maybe he or she was thinking about furry handcuffs too and was afraid it would freak you out. I’m just saying: don’t hold back this year. Think it through and then go for what you really want. Don’t wait for it to come to you. Go out and get it. Ask for it. Hell, demand it if you really need it. Maybe, I’m talking about life in general. Maybe, I’m talking about something else ;-) The point is, I’m talking. I’m saying it… What are you doing? “Girl, why don't you tell me what you want me to do to you? Say it… say it… say it... Girl, why don't you tell me what you want from me? Girl, won't you say it… say it… say it...” -Ne-Yo, “Say It”, Because of You

***Lyrically Speaking-VI

Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-V

“Yeah, I did it… You should know it… I ain’t sorry… You deserved it… After what you did to me, you deserved it… I ain’t sorry… No…” -Jazmine Sullivan, “Bust Your Windows”, Fearless Anger is a powerful emotion. Just ask someone with a fist-print in their wall. And the most passionate display of anger is through revenge. Am I crazy? No. I’m just a young woman who appreciates the complexities of life. There is nothing that can drive a sane person absolutely off the deep-end like being hurt by someone, whether they are close to you or not. My mother has this thing about dart-guns. One of those long reeds like natives carry to hunt. While in traffic, whenever someone cuts her off or otherwise pisses her off, she exclames, “I wish I had a dart gun,” then puts up her imaginary weapon to blow out the offender’s tires. Other times, when people jaywalk in the street, she imagines running them over, then pressing rewind, so that next time they’ll know to cross at the crosswalk and stay out of her way. A little drastic? Nope. Don’t pretend you haven’t envisioned some violent act against another who has wronged you or plotted the demise of your arch-nemesis. We all do it. It’s human to feel anger. It is also human to want desperately to act on that anger. But, you shouldn’t. That’s when bad things happen. Movies like Waiting To Exhale make setting cars on fire seem like a good thing to do when your marriage is over. But, what happens when the police show up? You go to jail. That’s what. Jazmine Sullivan has given the world a new anthem to commit crimes to. Sure, I’d love to jump out of the car and fight the woman on the cell phone who just cut me off; I’d love to throw something at the man going 20 in a 65; I’d even like to report the cop who put on his siren, forcing me out of the way, just so he could go through the red light and cut the noise back off. But, I would also like to be able to tell my children that I have never been arrested. So, I think these thoughts to myself, or voice them aloud when in understanding company. Truth be told, I don’t even like the song “Bust Your Windows”, but there is something about those last lines about just giving someone what they deserve that speaks to me. “No, I didn’t call you back…” “No, I’m not coming over in the middle of the night because you refuse to call the cops…” “No, I’m not rearranging my schedule for you…” “Ha! Why the hell would I lend you money?” “No, I’m not giving you another chance. Four times was quite enough, don’t cha think?” What if we could just bust those windows? What if we could get that car towed, then pull into our rightful parking space? What if we could tell our boss to kiss it with lipstick on to leave a lasting impression? Why, then, my friends, the world would probably be covered in glass and the recession wouldn’t matter because we’d all be behind bars. So, instead of perpetuating the stereotype of the crazy baby momma or the no good so-and-so, take your ass to the gym and work out. Hit a punching bag. Go to hip-hop class. Work that pent-up hostility off for your own good. Or sit back with a soothing cup of tea, inhale, exhale, and imagine throwing a brick through your neighbor’s window. Busting a window and slashing tires: too damn expensive… Crashing into the fool who just cut you off: too damn expensive… Cussing out your boss when people are losing jobs: just plain ‘ole crazy… Damage-free revenge: priceless. “But, it don’t compare to my broken heart… You could never feel how I felt that day… Until it happens, baby, you don’t know pain…” -Jazmine Sullivan, “Bust Your Windows”, Fearless ***Lyrically Speaking-V Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com