Lyrically Speaking-VII

“A best friend is one you can do embarrassing things in front of with confidence.” -Ccep J. Dew I was thinking about one of my best friends today. Before I moved here to California, we spent about two months hanging out every week and not one of those days did I feel uncomfortable. From day one to today, I have always felt like myself around Mary. It’s refreshing to feel that way about another person, especially in this day when unhealthy rivalry is so present amongst female friends especially. Mary’s not my only best friend, of course. My husband is my “bestest friend in the whole wide world” and of course there’s my mother and my big sister—plus a few others who are more than friends, but kind of less than best friends—but, the thing I love about my friendship with Mary is that not once have I felt jealous of her and not once has she shown any jealousy towards me. We are beautiful, intelligent, blessed, and gifted young ladies and instead of wanting to one-up one another, we celebrate each other and do what we can to help the other excel. For example, Mary is reading over one of my novels that is no where near the finished perfection I want it to be. But, I trust her with it and I respect her feedback, which is usually along the lines of “You go, girl!” And when she needed a name for her massage practice, I suggested “A Muse’s Touch”, which she eventually chose to use. In my 21 years on this earth, I have had “best friends” come and go, and I can honestly say that Mary is one of the only ones I have ever felt this way about. I don’t have to be better than her. I don’t have to brag to her. I don’t have to downplay her accomplishments to make mine seem bigger. I can be equal to her and I am and wherever life takes me, she can rest assured that I will be buying an extra ticket for her to come with. I never really understood those “sister-friend” movies like Waiting To Exhale until now. In the past, my sister-friends always had to be more than me. They always made it clear that we were friends, as long as I knew my place was second, and I can admit, I’ve done the same with some of my friends. But, I think that’s how you know that particular relationship is seasonal. When you are in need of an ear to listen, and your friend doesn’t answer, and you don’t get mad that they aren’t there at that exact moment… that is true friendship. When your friend gets a great promotion while you are struggling with two jobs and you are genuinely happy for them… that is true friendship. When you can dance like Elaine from Seinfeld and not care that people are staring, while she does the Funky Chicken next to you before breaking out into the Running Man… that is true friendship. There are a few other people I can think of that I can be a total dork around and not care. When I do relax and act like the bookworm nerd that I truly am, they don’t make snide comments, call me names, or anything like that. Usually, they are acting just as dorky, if not more. And I’m grateful to have these people in my life. They make each day a little bit easier. So, I challenge you to reevaluate your friendships. Are you in a competition? Do you often assure yourself that you’re prettier, smarter, or more athletic than your friends? If so, then you should realize that you are feeling insecure and a real friendship shouldn’t make you feel less than, whether the person says things to make you feel bad or if it’s just in your mind. Surround yourself with people who encourage you to sing at the top of your lungs in your best Christina Aguilera voice, knowing full-well that you are no Christina Aguilera. I mean it! Hold onto people who make you smile within and make you want to be the dorkiest you that you can possibly be. My hubby not only encourages me to sing “And I Am Telling You” karaoke-style in our living room, but he joins in for some songs. That’s bestest friendship. That’s true love ***Lyrically Speaking-VII Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-VI

“Ok, here's what I want you to do: I want you to look me right in my eyes… and I want you to tell me… exactly… what you want me to do to you… You ready?” -Ne-Yo, “Say It”, Because of You I know what you’re thinking: “Oh, no she didn’t take it there!” Oh, yes… I did. Ladies and gentlemen, 2009 has begun. We can go back and think about the things we didn’t do in ‘08, the things we didn’t say, the relationships that we didn’t pursue (be they romantic or platonic), the things we didn’t finish, and the things we didn’t even try. But, why do that? Why not focus on today? The present is here. Open your gift. Your gift is your mouth. Your own mouth. You have the ability to speak things into existence and this can work for, as well as against, you. You know how people say, “Be careful what you wish for?” Well, it’s true; especially when you say it aloud. If you want to advance in your career, say so. Tell a mentor who can help you. If you want to lose weight, tell a friend who will support you. If you want to adjust your mentality, say it. Write an affirmation on a piece of paper, tape it to your mirror, and say it every morning: “I am beautiful, I am worthy, and I will make the most of today.” It really is powerful. “Tell me what you want… Oh, you want that? Say the word… Turn around…” -Ne-Yo, “Say It”, Because of You On the flip side, watch what you say. If that hunk-a-chocolate you’ve been eyeing is giving you the eye back, and you know he has a girlfriend, keep your mouth shut! Don’t go tell your best friend, “He is sexy. I want him!” You might get him… and all the drama that comes with it. Thinking lustful, negative, and spiteful things are “bad”, but it’s human, so I can’t knock you. The problem comes when you speak it aloud and confirm your intentions. Be wiser in 2009. Leave that man alone, girl! Now, getting back to this Ne-Yo track… When it comes to your life, your happiness, your fulfillment, your contentment, your satisfaction: say it! Tell the waiter you asked for no onions on your burger… Tell your mother you don’t have time to weed her garden right this second, but you can make time for her Saturday… Tell your boss that you deserve a raise and list the reasons why… Tell your spouse how you are feeling in your relationship… Tell your lover what you like, what you don’t like, and what you might like to try. You’d be surprised. Maybe he or she was thinking about furry handcuffs too and was afraid it would freak you out. I’m just saying: don’t hold back this year. Think it through and then go for what you really want. Don’t wait for it to come to you. Go out and get it. Ask for it. Hell, demand it if you really need it. Maybe, I’m talking about life in general. Maybe, I’m talking about something else ;-) The point is, I’m talking. I’m saying it… What are you doing? “Girl, why don't you tell me what you want me to do to you? Say it… say it… say it... Girl, why don't you tell me what you want from me? Girl, won't you say it… say it… say it...” -Ne-Yo, “Say It”, Because of You

***Lyrically Speaking-VI

Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-V

“Yeah, I did it… You should know it… I ain’t sorry… You deserved it… After what you did to me, you deserved it… I ain’t sorry… No…” -Jazmine Sullivan, “Bust Your Windows”, Fearless Anger is a powerful emotion. Just ask someone with a fist-print in their wall. And the most passionate display of anger is through revenge. Am I crazy? No. I’m just a young woman who appreciates the complexities of life. There is nothing that can drive a sane person absolutely off the deep-end like being hurt by someone, whether they are close to you or not. My mother has this thing about dart-guns. One of those long reeds like natives carry to hunt. While in traffic, whenever someone cuts her off or otherwise pisses her off, she exclames, “I wish I had a dart gun,” then puts up her imaginary weapon to blow out the offender’s tires. Other times, when people jaywalk in the street, she imagines running them over, then pressing rewind, so that next time they’ll know to cross at the crosswalk and stay out of her way. A little drastic? Nope. Don’t pretend you haven’t envisioned some violent act against another who has wronged you or plotted the demise of your arch-nemesis. We all do it. It’s human to feel anger. It is also human to want desperately to act on that anger. But, you shouldn’t. That’s when bad things happen. Movies like Waiting To Exhale make setting cars on fire seem like a good thing to do when your marriage is over. But, what happens when the police show up? You go to jail. That’s what. Jazmine Sullivan has given the world a new anthem to commit crimes to. Sure, I’d love to jump out of the car and fight the woman on the cell phone who just cut me off; I’d love to throw something at the man going 20 in a 65; I’d even like to report the cop who put on his siren, forcing me out of the way, just so he could go through the red light and cut the noise back off. But, I would also like to be able to tell my children that I have never been arrested. So, I think these thoughts to myself, or voice them aloud when in understanding company. Truth be told, I don’t even like the song “Bust Your Windows”, but there is something about those last lines about just giving someone what they deserve that speaks to me. “No, I didn’t call you back…” “No, I’m not coming over in the middle of the night because you refuse to call the cops…” “No, I’m not rearranging my schedule for you…” “Ha! Why the hell would I lend you money?” “No, I’m not giving you another chance. Four times was quite enough, don’t cha think?” What if we could just bust those windows? What if we could get that car towed, then pull into our rightful parking space? What if we could tell our boss to kiss it with lipstick on to leave a lasting impression? Why, then, my friends, the world would probably be covered in glass and the recession wouldn’t matter because we’d all be behind bars. So, instead of perpetuating the stereotype of the crazy baby momma or the no good so-and-so, take your ass to the gym and work out. Hit a punching bag. Go to hip-hop class. Work that pent-up hostility off for your own good. Or sit back with a soothing cup of tea, inhale, exhale, and imagine throwing a brick through your neighbor’s window. Busting a window and slashing tires: too damn expensive… Crashing into the fool who just cut you off: too damn expensive… Cussing out your boss when people are losing jobs: just plain ‘ole crazy… Damage-free revenge: priceless. “But, it don’t compare to my broken heart… You could never feel how I felt that day… Until it happens, baby, you don’t know pain…” -Jazmine Sullivan, “Bust Your Windows”, Fearless ***Lyrically Speaking-V Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-IV

“…Do the mistakes I make make me a fool or a human with flaws? Admit that I’m lost… Round of applause… Take the abuse… Sometimes it feels like they want me to lose… It’s entertainment: is that an excuse? But, the question that lingers whether win or lose is…” -Rihanna, “Question Existing”, Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded Sometimes I wonder who I'm living for… If I'm making choices because I want to or living by default… Am I walking on eggshells, lightly piercing my feet, because it's more bearable than the torments of conflict and heartbreak?… Am I being true to myself?… I wonder if my condition only exists because of other people… Like, if it were just me in this world with no family and no friends, would I make the same decisions and react the same way to the same circumstances?… I really want to be free… Free from fears of not pleasing the ones I love… Free to just go with the flow, but I can't… I've been trained to live by protocol… To put others before myself… To think ahead and stop things from happening before they happen, but I'm not psychic… So I fail… I fail to see the beauty in the mud regardless of the fact that without its two main components, there would be no flourishment… No nourishment and I'm starving… Needing to be fed meat… Coffee and rice cakes can only do so much, but I can't eat 'cause I'm being served bullshit that I apparently prepared… Who's to blame?… I want to crawl ass first into a hole built for one and sleep… Slumber with one eye open because I know they're coming to interrupt my rest… They're coming to snatch away my peace and I can't take it… Is sadness not enough?… Is loneliness not enough?… I'm sooo discouraged… Feeling like a cowardly lieon, telling false truths of my greatness when truthfully speaking… What am I living for?… What am I dying for?… For pride?… For an image?… For towering expectations?… I'm short and I don't have the energy to take leaps and bounds… I'm tired and I don't have the strength to reawaken the warrior in me… I don't want to talk almost as much as I don't want to listen… I just want to write and sleep and dream sweet slideshows in hi-definition as I search to define myself… Because I'm feeling like I'm lacking edges… “Who am I living for? Is this my limit? Can I endure some more? Chances are given… Question existing…” -Rihanna, “Question Existing”, Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded ***Lyrically Speaking-IV Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-III

“…To paraphrase the greatest lesson my mother ever taught me, I’m gonna do what makes me feel good…” -13 of Nazareth, “A Tone Meant To Heal”, Fallout Shelter: an epileptic’s epic I write… draw… act… sing (sometimes)… cook… bake… color… crochet… do spoken word… and eat Butterfinger Crisp bars layer by layer because it makes me feel good. A lot of times, we refrain from doing things because of what people will think or say. Instead of starting our dream business, leaving college because it’s just not for us, admitting we’re in an abusive relationship, or pursuing the one we adore, we don’t. We let our fear of other people’s opinions stop us from singing out loud, eating cake regardless of the calorie count, and having two milkshakes despite our lactose intolerance. From birth, we are “programmed” to act, think, and speak a certain way depending on our environment and circumstances. Any deviation from this program makes people judge us and leave us feeling like outcasts. And even when we enjoy something, a single sentence from a loved one can put an end to it. For example, my sister is a hair stylist. One day, she made a comment that changed my hairstyles forever. I had a part down the middle of my head, which she called a “country part” and told me never to wear again. I was young and she’s a professional, so I figured she was right. To this day, I cannot wear a ponytail with a “country part” because I think of that day and put a part at my temple instead. Prior to that day, I was happy with the centered part. Now, I guess psychologically I can’t do it. Even though I like the temple part better, how much happier would I be if my choice hadn’t been “taken away”? My hair may not seem important to you, but think about it… How many times have you stopped doing something or changed your perception because of someone else’s comment? How many parties and events have you been dragged to by people who are no longer your friends? Chose a college or career to please your parents? Had a child because your spouse or significant other desperately wanted one? Dated a guy or girl because your friends thought you’d be sooooo cute together? Peer pressure… Family guilt-trips… Social standards… Religious practices… All these things can have a way of influencing us to do what is conflict-free instead of doing what makes us free. So, today start making choices that will enrich your life. It’s never too late to go back to school (there are options to work around your schedule), have a child (there’s always adoption), learn a new skill (I’m getting better at hip-hop dance dancing and I’m moving on to jazz!), or try a new restaurant (such as Paulie’s Pizza Kitchen in San Diego). It’s never too late to forgive, ask for forgiveness, try again, say “I love you,” or say “I love me.” In fact, say it now: “I love me and I’m going to live a life that makes me happy!” When it comes to your happiness, your health, and your well-being, it is perfectly okay to be selfish. “…And if the world feels good in the process… Cool… If not… Cool… Because I didn’t write this for you. I wrote this to feel good… and I do.” -13 of Nazareth, “A Tone Meant To Heal”, Fallout Shelter: an epileptic’s epic ***Lyrically Speaking-III Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-II

“…Land seems so far when your own sails you away like a bad omen and every other brother’s a Roman. Wanting to rope and beat me. Rather see me hanging from a cross or a tree than succeed…”

-Future, “The Calling”, Darker Side of Black What happened to role models? What happened to placing people on pedestals that they could live up to? What happened to FOX 45’s Champions of Courage? Where have our heroes gone? There are so many amazing people who pass by us everyday. Yet in this society, we tend to be so caught up in “celebrities” that we don’t see them. Don’t get me wrong; some of these celebs deserve our admiration. I would love nothing more than to spend a few hours talking to actress/producer/singer Jada Pinkett-Smith, but I cherish the relationship I’m building with EDCH Apparel CEO Elon, the time I spent intervewing director/choreographer Sherman Shoate, and the moment I shared with my husband meeting Saul Williams. These, ladies and gentlemen, are my superheroes. And I am someone’s superhero. And just like everyone else who has been anointed with a gift to save, I have been faced with challenges. Strangers don’t bother me much. I tend to make a good first impression on people. Usually, they’re surprised to learn that I’m not 15 and am, in fact, a 21 year-old Navy wife. But, it’s so called “friends” and rarely calling “family” who do the best at hindering my path. The very ones who hold our love and respect, the very ones we entrust with our hearts, these are the ones who hurt us the most because they don’t believe in us and we feel that we need them to. And it’s not their faults. There’s a cycle of faithlessness that continues through generations because way back when, someone’s mother or father didn’t reach their goals. Since life wasn’t kind to them, they didn’t know how to uplift others. And so today, we unconsciously (and some time purposely) say or do things to keep other’s from excelling. I was told my voice wasn’t strong enough to sing a song that I wrote. I was laughed at when I shared a song that expressed my pain years before admitting I suffer from depression. And for years I let those events keep me from sharing my writings, which was like not sharing a large part of myself. The name calling and the belittling was in the form of jokes. Only, I wasn’t laughing and I’m still not. Look at Christ: He came to this Earth to save us and his own people turned against him and watched as he was crucified. They could have saved him, but they chose to let a thief go free because they didn’t understand Christ’s calling. He, however, accepted their hatred because he understood the place that it came from. He loved them the same and continued with his mission. He served his purpose with no regrets. Or take Senator Obama and Senator Clinton for example. Both were born with the purpose of making a difference in this world. For once—and in our lifetime at that—an African-American and a woman is able to run for president. Regardless of who actually makes it into office, we, as American citizens, have already won just by having that dream take form. And the media did its best to slander both senators, refusing to turn it’s venom towards John McCain until the Democratic nomination was made and he became an official “threat”. People hate what they don’t understand. People hate change. People hate feeling inferior, hence slavery and apartheid and terrorism. But, we have to recognize our power. We have to believe in ourselves first. We have to realize our purpose and stop at nothing to fulfill it. Family and friends will support you once they see strangers buying your product and offering you a shoulder to lean on. They may not admit they were wrong, but eventually they will come around. You have to make up your mind that you are not going to wait, singing, “She’ll be coming ‘round the mountain when she comes…” Instead, stand firmly in your purpose and protest: “…You wanna set Barabas free and condemn me, then go ‘head…”

-Future, “The Calling”, Darker Side of Black

***Lyrically Speaking-II

Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor

as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-I

"We gotta start with love between ourselves Then we can love one another. Don't point the finger at someone else 'Cause it's up to you to discover That the truth alone can set you free. See, you must pull back the covers. The world is dressed in black and white And the music is the color. 'Cause without the truth We can't be healed And if there's no feeling Then there's no love…” -Steph Jones, "Melody To Snap To" Hatred…racism…sexism…homophobia…Black on Black crime…Klu Klux Klan…Nazis…terrorists…Crips…Bloods…West Coast…East Coast… So many of today’s conflicts exist because of the problems of our ancestors. Throughout history, people have always found ways to separate themselves from the rest of society. Oftentimes, this meant finding “fault” in others as a means to elevate oneself. But, the reality is, one was never truly elevated. It was simply a ritual of passing self-hatred on to others. It’s a shame that in today’s society when one is happy and at peace with life he or she is considered “fake” or “egotistical”. What’s wrong with having high self-esteem? Isn’t that what we’re teaching our little girls? We tell them to find beauty in themselves, but when women do, we say they are “vain” or “conceited”. We tell our little boys to be strong and tough, but when men do, we say they are “cold” and “heartless”. Does anyone else see the problem in this? The problem is, who are we to tell anyone anything when it comes to self-esteem? In American Hustle, Katt Williams said it bluntly: “…It’s called self-esteem! It’s esteem of your [expletive] self…!” So, how come we try so hard to control or label someone else when we cannot be honest with ourselves because that’s where it starts. The key to loving, cherishing, and respecting others starts within. When a person can look into the mirror and smile regardless of the bruises, scars, stretchmarks, or what have you, that person deserves to feel amazing and empowered. And instead of calling them “uppity” or “self-centered”, you should ask, “How can I feel that way about myself?” Despite the urge to like ourselves only enough to appear a certain way to others, we have got to stop hating ourselves altogether. I am 21 years old, 5’4, never weighed more than 115 pounds, and in a size 5 pants (though they’re always too long and have to be cuffed). And I love myself. At times I get bothered by little things my family and peers used to (and still do) tease me about, like what my mother calls my “protruding collarbone”, but for the most part I love myself and I’m getting more and more comfortable with my size (or lack of size). And it’s not just about appearance. I love the person that I’m becoming. I love the songs that I write and sing (despite a family member telling me my voice isn’t strong enough). I love the way my body moves in hip-hop class (despite years of believing I could never tighten up my style). And I abosolutely love my caramel complexion and “chestnut” eyes (despite how often my husband assures me that they’re “brown”). Because I am learning to love and accept myself more everyday, I always seek ways to project that on to others. So, I no longer have a problem telling the lady coming out of the store that she looks beautiful today or letting my muse of the moment know how inspired I am. And don’t even get me started on saying “I love you” or just trying to show appreciation for and make things easier for the people who make my day easier, like the mailman at my job who always brings in our mail even though we have mailboxes outside. Love is not something we should keep. It’s meant to be shared in its appropriate form. And what better way to show love and unity than through music? It’s amazing how a simple melody can unite people. I recently went to Reggae Night with a friend and everyone was just having a great time enjoying the live music. In high school, I told a classmate how much I loved Gavin DeGraw and we bonded. She even told me to make sure I get the edition of his album with the bonus cd! Music just has a way of reaching a deep place inside of us that nothing else can touch. That place is where our truth lies. It’s where the love hides beneath layers of pain we hold onto. Let it go! Let go of the hurt. Ignore the brainwashing of our forefathers. We don’t need to hate ourselves or one another any more. All we need is a melody to snap to… “The world needs a melody to snap to We all need a melody to snap to The world needs a melody to snap to A melody to snap to… The world needs a melody to snap to All we need's a melody to snap to The world needs a melody to snap to Snap to…A melody to snap to…" -Steph Jones, "Melody To Snap To" ***Lyrically Speaking-I Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com