Lyrically Speaking-XVI

“I wrote this poem in my own spinal fluid… I put it on the backbone of a white flag, so before you read it you’ll already know that I’ve given up… I’ll just keep you here… shackled to the most important chapter of my life’s story… pressed into the basement of my eyelids like liquid salvation, so I remember you beautiful with amazing underneath your wings and an orchid smile, you gorgeous earthquake… You cracked hourglass with sand spilling from behind your ribs… You wasted my time…” –Rudy Francisco, “Scars” I know that I already have an edition of this editorial featuring a Rudy Francisco quote, but the hourglass line has been playing in my mind on repeat for the last month or more… Although most of this year has been dedicated to personal growth, the results have just begun to manifest themselves. And, for the last couple of months, I have been feeling like fear, doubt, and other forms of insecurities have, in fact, stolen or “wasted” my time. I John 4:18 reads: “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear…” and I am on a quest for perfect love. Not flawless love, but unwavering love. Love that makes the fight worth it. Love that makes the hard times seem more bearable. Love that starts within then illuminates everything that its rays touch. I am starting to feel this love within myself and fear has begun to flee. A few days ago, I ended a status update by stating, “Speak your truth and live according to your own beliefs because the world will edit you right out of your own script if you let it..." and, sometimes, the hardest thing to accept is that the people closest to you are the very ones with red pens in their hands… “You wanna know how I got these scars? I ripped every last piece of you out of my smile… 5… I whispered you stardust… 6… I spoke you into sunflower… 7… I dipped my hands in forever… touched you infinity… I treated you as if you were the last molecule of oxygen inside of a gas chamber… I was good to you…” People will destroy your world with good intentions. They will apply never-yielding pressure because they feel like they know what’s best for you. If they are older, they feel they are wiser and have already had your eXperiences. If they are younger, they feel that you are too old to know what they are talking about and times have changed. The tough thing to remember is that you are never too old or too young to know what is best for you. And no matter how much you love, accept, respect, and cherish others, they may not reciprocate. They may use words and actions to tear down your spirit and you may still feel a need to keep them close because they are blood related, are related by marriage, were there for you when your aunt passed away, have been your buddy since kindergarten, or you just feel something strongly for them that keeps you holding on. But, we come into this world alone and we leave it the same way. You don’t owe the world anything. If someone is emotionally hurting you, you may give them the opportunity to change, but, at some point, you have to know when to say, “Enough is enough…” and let that person go if need be. “How dare you linger on my lips and then kiss me like a stuttering apology with excuses stapled to the roof of your mouth? I still remember you…” You are responsible for yourself in this world. Your health must be your primary concern. There is nothing selfish about putting yourself first and ensuring the health of your mind, body, and spirit. Toxic people and toxic relationships will poison the very essence of your being if you allow them to. Sometimes, as hard as it may be, you have to let go of people and situations and this doesn’t just apply physically. Sometimes, the toxins are mental: insecurities and a low sense of self-worth can stem from allowing others’ feelings about you to attach to your spirit and drag you down. Without guilt, learn to let these people, these feelings, and these thoughts go. Forgive them for the things that they have intentionally and unknowingly done to you. Forgive yourself, if need be, for allowing cycles of physical, mental, emotional, financial, and spiritual abuse to continue far longer than they should have. But, never ever forget. Remember the situations and circumstances with a renewed heart lacking a bitter taste. See the lessons that have been learned, how you have grown stronger through it all, and use it all to prepare for the next battle because history has proven to repeat itself. And if you do allow these individuals to remain in your life, or if you kick them to the curb only to find them back holding a bouquet of roses and you invite them in, do not hold it against them. True forgiveness is acknowledging the faults of the past while allowing a clean slate with a margin for error. If you look at a person and cannot, or do not want to, see beyond the past, then maybe you made the right decision to let them go in the first place. A new year is upon us. It is a time for starting over. So, I encourage you to take some time for self. If you meditate or would like to give it a try, do so. Sit or lie in a relaxed position and think. If it helps, write down your thoughts. Think about this past year and the people, things, and events that have brought you joy. Think about your accomplishments and set-backs. Think about what things you need to change within yourself and what connections may need to be broken in order to advance even further in this new year. When you’re finished, set out to be a healthier person with a happier environment. Throw up the white flag, and surrender to joy because you deserve it. Throw up your arms and embrace those who have helped to make your life thus far a success and much more worth living. Don’t let old battle wounds and scars discourage you from continuing the fight. And do not, under any circumstance, willingly allow anyone or anything to stop you from being the biggest, brightest version of you… Saying, “Good-bye,” to the me I once knew and eagerly awaiting the me that is to be…

***Lyrically Speaking-XVI Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com