Lyrically Speaking-IV

“…Do the mistakes I make make me a fool or a human with flaws? Admit that I’m lost… Round of applause… Take the abuse… Sometimes it feels like they want me to lose… It’s entertainment: is that an excuse? But, the question that lingers whether win or lose is…” -Rihanna, “Question Existing”, Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded Sometimes I wonder who I'm living for… If I'm making choices because I want to or living by default… Am I walking on eggshells, lightly piercing my feet, because it's more bearable than the torments of conflict and heartbreak?… Am I being true to myself?… I wonder if my condition only exists because of other people… Like, if it were just me in this world with no family and no friends, would I make the same decisions and react the same way to the same circumstances?… I really want to be free… Free from fears of not pleasing the ones I love… Free to just go with the flow, but I can't… I've been trained to live by protocol… To put others before myself… To think ahead and stop things from happening before they happen, but I'm not psychic… So I fail… I fail to see the beauty in the mud regardless of the fact that without its two main components, there would be no flourishment… No nourishment and I'm starving… Needing to be fed meat… Coffee and rice cakes can only do so much, but I can't eat 'cause I'm being served bullshit that I apparently prepared… Who's to blame?… I want to crawl ass first into a hole built for one and sleep… Slumber with one eye open because I know they're coming to interrupt my rest… They're coming to snatch away my peace and I can't take it… Is sadness not enough?… Is loneliness not enough?… I'm sooo discouraged… Feeling like a cowardly lieon, telling false truths of my greatness when truthfully speaking… What am I living for?… What am I dying for?… For pride?… For an image?… For towering expectations?… I'm short and I don't have the energy to take leaps and bounds… I'm tired and I don't have the strength to reawaken the warrior in me… I don't want to talk almost as much as I don't want to listen… I just want to write and sleep and dream sweet slideshows in hi-definition as I search to define myself… Because I'm feeling like I'm lacking edges… “Who am I living for? Is this my limit? Can I endure some more? Chances are given… Question existing…” -Rihanna, “Question Existing”, Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded ***Lyrically Speaking-IV Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com