Lyrically Speaking-XVI

“I wrote this poem in my own spinal fluid… I put it on the backbone of a white flag, so before you read it you’ll already know that I’ve given up… I’ll just keep you here… shackled to the most important chapter of my life’s story… pressed into the basement of my eyelids like liquid salvation, so I remember you beautiful with amazing underneath your wings and an orchid smile, you gorgeous earthquake… You cracked hourglass with sand spilling from behind your ribs… You wasted my time…” –Rudy Francisco, “Scars” I know that I already have an edition of this editorial featuring a Rudy Francisco quote, but the hourglass line has been playing in my mind on repeat for the last month or more… Although most of this year has been dedicated to personal growth, the results have just begun to manifest themselves. And, for the last couple of months, I have been feeling like fear, doubt, and other forms of insecurities have, in fact, stolen or “wasted” my time. I John 4:18 reads: “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear…” and I am on a quest for perfect love. Not flawless love, but unwavering love. Love that makes the fight worth it. Love that makes the hard times seem more bearable. Love that starts within then illuminates everything that its rays touch. I am starting to feel this love within myself and fear has begun to flee. A few days ago, I ended a status update by stating, “Speak your truth and live according to your own beliefs because the world will edit you right out of your own script if you let it..." and, sometimes, the hardest thing to accept is that the people closest to you are the very ones with red pens in their hands… “You wanna know how I got these scars? I ripped every last piece of you out of my smile… 5… I whispered you stardust… 6… I spoke you into sunflower… 7… I dipped my hands in forever… touched you infinity… I treated you as if you were the last molecule of oxygen inside of a gas chamber… I was good to you…” People will destroy your world with good intentions. They will apply never-yielding pressure because they feel like they know what’s best for you. If they are older, they feel they are wiser and have already had your eXperiences. If they are younger, they feel that you are too old to know what they are talking about and times have changed. The tough thing to remember is that you are never too old or too young to know what is best for you. And no matter how much you love, accept, respect, and cherish others, they may not reciprocate. They may use words and actions to tear down your spirit and you may still feel a need to keep them close because they are blood related, are related by marriage, were there for you when your aunt passed away, have been your buddy since kindergarten, or you just feel something strongly for them that keeps you holding on. But, we come into this world alone and we leave it the same way. You don’t owe the world anything. If someone is emotionally hurting you, you may give them the opportunity to change, but, at some point, you have to know when to say, “Enough is enough…” and let that person go if need be. “How dare you linger on my lips and then kiss me like a stuttering apology with excuses stapled to the roof of your mouth? I still remember you…” You are responsible for yourself in this world. Your health must be your primary concern. There is nothing selfish about putting yourself first and ensuring the health of your mind, body, and spirit. Toxic people and toxic relationships will poison the very essence of your being if you allow them to. Sometimes, as hard as it may be, you have to let go of people and situations and this doesn’t just apply physically. Sometimes, the toxins are mental: insecurities and a low sense of self-worth can stem from allowing others’ feelings about you to attach to your spirit and drag you down. Without guilt, learn to let these people, these feelings, and these thoughts go. Forgive them for the things that they have intentionally and unknowingly done to you. Forgive yourself, if need be, for allowing cycles of physical, mental, emotional, financial, and spiritual abuse to continue far longer than they should have. But, never ever forget. Remember the situations and circumstances with a renewed heart lacking a bitter taste. See the lessons that have been learned, how you have grown stronger through it all, and use it all to prepare for the next battle because history has proven to repeat itself. And if you do allow these individuals to remain in your life, or if you kick them to the curb only to find them back holding a bouquet of roses and you invite them in, do not hold it against them. True forgiveness is acknowledging the faults of the past while allowing a clean slate with a margin for error. If you look at a person and cannot, or do not want to, see beyond the past, then maybe you made the right decision to let them go in the first place. A new year is upon us. It is a time for starting over. So, I encourage you to take some time for self. If you meditate or would like to give it a try, do so. Sit or lie in a relaxed position and think. If it helps, write down your thoughts. Think about this past year and the people, things, and events that have brought you joy. Think about your accomplishments and set-backs. Think about what things you need to change within yourself and what connections may need to be broken in order to advance even further in this new year. When you’re finished, set out to be a healthier person with a happier environment. Throw up the white flag, and surrender to joy because you deserve it. Throw up your arms and embrace those who have helped to make your life thus far a success and much more worth living. Don’t let old battle wounds and scars discourage you from continuing the fight. And do not, under any circumstance, willingly allow anyone or anything to stop you from being the biggest, brightest version of you… Saying, “Good-bye,” to the me I once knew and eagerly awaiting the me that is to be…

***Lyrically Speaking-XVI Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-XV

"I never been so lost and found at the same time..." - Judah 1 For the last couple of weeks, I have never felt surer of my calling and more lost in its discovery. It's as if I know what steps to take, but anxiety (and, quite honestly, fear) has leadened my legs and kept me Tin Man stiff with no oil can in sight. Fear of what? I don't know. Perhaps, it's the fear of failure or the fear of succeeding. Perhaps, as I conveyed to my little sister and to my big sister on two separate occasions, it is the fear of becoming "a god". Perhaps, you've been feeling the same way for different reasons. Recent interactions have challenged me to reveal sides of myself that only a select few are allowed to see. In sharing my fears, joys, goals, and things as simple as my favorite restaurant or color, I have similarly been able to see the vulnerability in others. It is the absence of this innocence and fellowship that chills the heart, cloaks the spirit, and leads to feelings of detachment from those in our surroundings and networks. And it is in these moments where the beauty and intricacies of humanity (others', as well as our own) can be found. When my mother calls me from Baltimore sometimes, before she gets off the phone, she says, "I miss you," in a tone that is as heartwarming as it is heartbreaking. Naturally, my response is, "I miss you, too. I'll be there soon," but the recent passing of my grandfather has shown me that no one can be sure when "soon" will come, if it ever comes at all. These and other experiences tend to leave me conflicted: Do I open myself up to another individual or continue to guard my precious heart? How much do I share? How much of myself am I willing to give (while thinking that the other person may not reciprocate or even care?) Do I break down and have a cryfest over the phone or do I stay strong and save the tears for when we are reunited? Being a person of any gender, age, race, culture, background, belief, religion or sexual orientation is difficult. Questions remain unanswered and broken hearts may seem to never mend. But, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. And in moments where focus is lost, spirits are low, and life just seems too loud, the best thing to do is take some time to simply be still and silent. "God is able to heal if you listen... and He'll show you His will if you listen... but, ya gotta be still and just listen... listen..." -Kirk Franklin, "First Love", Hero Ask God, Allah, Jesus, Muhammad, Elohim, Buddha, or whomever it is that you pray to, when and if you pray, to give you discernment. Step back and see who calls and says the right things at the right time. Whose behavior changes? Who seems to be an alter-ego of their usual selves? Don't be alarmed. Accept that you are finally seeing people's true intentions and respond accordingly. And what are your intentions? During this moment of reflection, think about your goals and character with the intention of coming out of this as a freer soul. Life requires progress and change. We are not evergreens. We are seasonal. Take the time to unplug and rejuvenate. 2010 is just around the corner. A fresh start awaits you…

***Lyrically Speaking-XV Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-XIV

“I want the money, money and the cars, cars and the clothes … I suppose… I just wanna be, I just wanna be successful…” –Trey Songz, “Successful” What is your definition of success? Is it something you continuously strive to attain or the product of any reached goal? Do material possessions, such as cars, jewelry, clothes, houses, and gadgets, act as symbols of your accomplishments? If you performed something that freed your soul, but no one clapped, would you still feel successful? Whether you measure it by status, possessions, monetary wealth, or emotional satisfaction, your definition of success, like your fingerprint, is unique to you. Similarly, reaching that level, however high or low it may be, also lies within your own hands. Although others can assist you with your achievements, the first steps must be made with your own feet. But, keep in mind that the road to success isn’t an easy one. There are many things and individuals who would love nothing more than to see you fail. Unbeknownst to many, I was serious about acting all throughout elementary and middle school. I’ve played the role of both Queen Elizabeth and Cleopatra and took part in a selection of Neil Simon pieces. But, my favorite role was as the jealous Rose in “Flowertown Ball”. I believe this role is what ignited my interest and support of villains in feature films, but I digress… As much as I loved acting, somewhere around the end of middle school, I chose to give it up for what I seemed to believe would be forever. Why? Because both of my parents had told me on separate occasions how excited they were and how they couldn’t wait to tell people, “My daughter bought me a house!” All my young mind heard was, “You have to buy me a house. You cannot fail. You must be the best. You must be successful,” and the pressure became too much for me. So, I gave up the stage. That is, until my senior year of high school when I became introduced to Spoken Word. “It’s funny when you coming in first, but you hope that you last. You just hope that it lasts…” –Drake, “Lust for Life” I was never so nervous acting as I am doing Spoken Word. I believe it’s because it is my words and personal thoughts as opposed to memorizing someone else’s ideas that I may or may not even agree with. Regardless of how calm and confident I appear at a venue, signs of anxiety show before I take the stage (if you look closely). I have grown to realize that if I take a deep breath and let the words take over, everything will be fine. I view each time that I speak to an audience (and often when speaking to an individual, especially an artist I am interviewing) as a new chance to overcome social anxiety. And when the experience is over, I give myself a mental smiley face sticker and congratulate myself on my success. Recently, a co-worker who I’d shown the method of completing Sudoku puzzles, shouted in shock when she was able to complete a “hard” puzzle. She had been practicing on “easy” and “medium” ones for about two weeks and it had finally paid off. Though she felt silly for being excited about a mere puzzle, I congratulated her with a supportive “Yay!”, commenting how we have to celebrate even the littlest things in life. She had accomplished a goal that she had set in a world where it seems most people lack motivation to even set goals in the first place. Shouldn’t that be cause for a “We just figured out Blue’s Clues!” dance or a Dora the Explorer “We Did It!” sing-along (which we sort of did during lunch after solving a complex riddle)? Of course, it should! As 2009 is gradually coming to an end, remember to celebrate the “easy”, “medium”, and “hard” accomplishments in life. Don’t buckle under pressure. Set weekly or even daily goals and acknowledge your progress. You do not have to be a multi-billionaire in order to consider yourself a success. Success could be as simple as finally completing the editorial that initially refused to be written… “Dream chaser, risk taker, no favor, though haters… they might want me to drown… holdin' me down, but the throne and the crown is all I ever wanted… all I ever needed… if I'm the only one and don't nobody else believe it, then keep it a secret and watch me achieve it… ‘cause I know what I want now… so, if you want the money… if you gotta make… if you the only one and don t nobody else believe it… then, tell ‘em to beat it and watch you achieve it… sing it if you want… I want the money…” –Trey Songz, “Successful” ***Lyrically Speaking-XIV Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-XIII

“Big, lovely honies, you rule the world… You ain’t ‘a big girl’; you just ‘a girl’… They jealous, so give ‘em more to hate… You workin’ with a lot, but you handle that weight…” -Ise Lyfe, “Thigh Bone”, Prince Cometh Because America is such a melting pot of ethnicities, beliefs, religions, and cultures, we have no definite ethnicity, belief, religion, or culture. Other cultures seem to have standards when it comes to beauty, but we tether back and forth between “definitions” of beauty, connected by a string that leads nowhere. One could travel around the world and collect portraits of beauty per country: brass rings to elongate the neck, feet bound to the tiniest size, red lipstick and powdered skin, alabaster skin never touched by the sun, bronzed tans and curvaceous bodies, dreadlocks and ebony skin… the list is never-ending. And we Americans stick out like a giraffe amongst horses in these countries for the mere fact that we look “different”. And by “different”, I mean confused and unsure of ourselves. “Make-up don’t make you who you wanna be… It’s just Maybelline…” –Future, “Before My Time (Back To The Future)”, SpitPersonality We don’t know what beauty is. Every new season, magazines and media tell us what colors, styles, hairdos, accessories, and the like are “in”. And many of us are so quick to dive right into the pool of conformity despite the fact that we don’t even like Ugg boots, neon jewelry or skinny jeans. The truth is that no matter how much we’d like to believe it, these material things don’t make us beautiful. We ARE beautiful: in action, word, and deed. That’s why the “ugliest” dudes get the “hottest” chicks and why “celebrities” who are usually spackled over with stereotypes get the “ugly” stamp when they journey forth without their masks: because at the end of the day, confidence and admirable attributes are what’s important and the more we cover up our true selves to create false images, the more our true selves will be shunned. And it’s not because our natural selves aren’t attractive. It’s because we intentionally tell people, “This is me. Love me for me,” then we turn around and strip ourselves of the height (heels), weight (type/size of clothing), shape (push-up bras, corsets, and butt pads), pigment (tans), flawlessness (foundation), smoothness (shaving, plucking, waxing), length and texture (relaxers, texturizers, extensions, wigs), color (contacts, lipstick, mascara, blush), and other forms of illusions (nails, body spray, muscle shirts, slimming pants) and expect to be accepted after such a quick, yet drastic transformation. Remember that episode of “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” where Will (Will Smith) and his date Kathleen (Tisha Campbell-Martin) were trapped in the basement during an earthquake? By the end of the night, Kathleen had removed her hair, snapped off her nails, and put her eye color in her purse. A dazed Will had sat with her weave disheveled upon his head, singing: “I’m stuck in a basement, sitting on a tricycle, girl getting on my nerves… I’m going outta my mind. I thought she was fine. Don’t know if her body is hers…” Nobody appreciates being lied to… Though we have these things to “enhance” ourselves, one should not forget just that: they are to highlight, not mask, what’s already there. A tree is just as beautiful bare as it is bedecked in lights and ornaments. Some would say it’s more majestic in the forest than beside the fireplace. We should think of ourselves as more radiant without the decorations. Maybe then we would stop striving to reach a bar of beauty that has not even been set. Maybe then the American standard of beauty would be the fact that we are so magnificently diverse instead of a quest to be dolls that companies can dress up and accessorize. Our spectrum of shades, shapes, and sizes should be celebrated; not cellophaned and repackaged to be sold back to us. We should proudly exhibit what we see unclothed and unmasked even while robed. No greater spectacle exists than beauty as nature intended… ***Below, find several quotes that speak on beauty in unique ways. Though they didn’t make it into the actual article, I would like you to think about the singular and collective message that they emit. I encourage you to seek quotes, poems, songs, and images that exhibit beauty in truth and complexity… “My only desire is that this beautiful sister find time to remind herself of just how fine… she is… just as… she is… even in the aftermath of birthing a few kids…” -13 of Nazareth, “Optionz”, Lovelutionary: Th Xprntl Gdspl “The images of womanhood that cover the silver screen carry her one step closer to depression one stereotype at a time in intervals of five minutes, so every five minutes she’s found in front of the mirror only to be reminded of areas on her body that need improvement. Says that her thighs are ‘too big’… Claims that her eyes are ‘too small’… Says that she’ll need to be in the gym all night, everyday for the rest of her life just to make sure that her waist looks right before she’s on her deathbed… And I tell her that I love her just the way that she is… but, she don’t care what I say or what the rest have said… Refusing to believe that she already carries with her the beauty of a sunrise… Says that she hates to see the sun rise because the sunlight exposes all of her faults… and I’m starting to believe that it might be my fault…” –Rudy Francisco, “Untitled”, University Avenue “I’m in love with your girly traits… I’m in with your curves, your face, your walk, your talk, your grace…” –Lyrical the Lyricist, “Never Blinked”, Traditional American Poetry “Night queen of my night dreams and the sky is your crown. Your smile is my favorite sonnet and your kiss… your kiss tastes like it got angel on it… You… The light from your eyes so precise like you could slice through a laser beam, yet it’s light in your eyes like you’ve seen an angel’s dream… You […] And the air here is perfect… as you are in this moment… Perfect… You are perfect as you are… Natural star… You are what grown men cry about… and what poet’s write about… Sleeping beauty… Dreaming angel… Sleep in beauty… Dream in angel… You…” – Komplex, “Stardust”, “Grown Folks Bizness ***Lyrically Speaking-XIII Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-XII (One Year Anniversary)

“If I stay right here, I’ll die inside… Ran out of tears… I can barely get by… It’s fair to say that we tried… You know I wanna stay… If I do, I’ll die…" - Floetry, "I'll Die", Flo'Ology I will never understand complacency and I don’t want to. I cannot for the life of me comprehend how people can stay stagnant… and complain about a lack of upward mobility. Opportunities are out there, but one must be willing to work hard to reach expectations, and then go even harder to surpass them. Call me a perfectionist, an elitist, anal, or what have you, but I cannot and will not settle for “status quo”. All my life I have recognized standards and surpassed them; not because I tried to, but because I naturally tend to think and create outside of the box. A group of people can view a document and find it flawless, but my eyes automatically zoom in to errors in spelling, grammar, punctuation, and usage. It doesn’t mean I’m perfect; nor do I eXpect others to be. I make mistakes at times, but where others find editing tedious work, I find it enjoyable to polish another’s masterpiece. I figure, why not use my nerdy talent to help others? Why not embrace being an editor? My goal for 2010 is to get my company officially registered. Wise people always say, “Speak it into eXistence and watch God work,” and, boy, weren’t they telling the truth! I have so many projects already lined up for the coming years. It amazes me that people appreciate a quality in me that others find annoying and are willing to place their work… their art… their life into my hands. So much so, that I reached out to a good friend of mine and asked him why he trusts me with his work. I’m a firm believer that “anointing recognizes anointing” and that is why I shouldn’t have been surprised by his response. If we are pure and genuine in what we are about, people will see that and do what they can to support our dreams; even when they don’t know eXactly what that dream is. So, 2010 is quickly approaching, more and more people are reaching out to me or referring others to me for counseling, mentoring, brainstorming, or some sort of editorial service, and it makes me wonder: how, in this day and age where we have so many opportunities as artists to network with one another and collaborate on making our art the best, can anyone dare to utter the words “starving artist” from their lips? “We are who we choose to be… I’m responsible for me…” Whenever I hear someone refer to themselves or others as “starving artists” I generally purse my lips, shake my head, and/or roll my eyes in contempt. I know that as an artist, I should sympathize with the plight of my fellow creators and I do… to a certain eXtent. But, I will not under any circumstance enable any individual to use a phrase as a crutch. Understand that I know it’s tough being an underground artist. People don’t appreciate the healing we create, pay our worth, support our endeavors, or encourage us nearly as much as they should. But, even so, there are ample opportunities out there to expand one’s gifts and exhibit one’s work. It could be as simple as signing up to perform at an open mic and having a promoter ask you to come back to feature one night… Searching Craigslist and other internet sites for jobs and internships that display your talent (that’s how I went from Intern to Editor with eXcape the matriX magazine)… Displaying your art at local galleries or community events… Anything that helps you to make a name for yourself and get out there to the masses. Everyday, an artist should be open to an eXperience that benefits the art being created. It’s not enough to send a demo CD with 3 tracks on it to Jay-Z if you want to be a rapper. It’s not enough to write poetry and never step to the mic or memorize your pieces if you want to be a spoken word artist. It’s not enough to only post your images on MySpace and want to have your own gallery eXhibit. Where is your portfolio or catalogue? Can you spit a poem or 16 bars right now? Do you have business cards? Have you chosen a name to be recognized by? Do you know what the underlying message of your art relays? Be prepared for these questions and the like. The world will surprise you when they find out you are an artist. They want an eXample of your work, then and there. Imagine that you are at a Starbucks and as you turn with your Vanilla Chai in your hand, you see Kevin Liles (or Saul Williams or Nikki Giovanni or Diddy or whoever most inspires you and would help to make your dreams a reality) walk into the store. You walk up to him or her and say, “My name is ____ and I ____. You truly inspire me and I’m so humbled to meet you.” He or she says, “Oh, really?” with a grin. “Let me hear something right now.” And you stand there with nothing to say. No poem memorized. No 16 bars. No monologue. So, he or she says, “Well, do you have a business card or an online portfolio? Perhaps a link to online videos so I can check you out?” You pat your pockets knowing full well you don’t have business cards or anything online, watch as he or she shakes your hand and wishes you luck, then goes to order his or her drink. And you stand there before hanging your head, leaving the store, and calling up all your friends to tell them how big name people are funny acting and offer no support for “starving artists”… You have to put time and effort into your craft. You have to believe that what you have to say through your work is important to the world and you must be willing to sweat, bleed, and put in long hours to become successful. When someone sees you in a café jotting down notes and asks if you’re a writer, you should be able to pull out a business card and exchange information. Think that business cards are only for people who wear suits 9 to 5? I guarantee you that that napkin you wrote your number and email on will probably be used to wipe up some barbeque sauce then tossed into the trash can. Is that what you think of your goals and aspirations? Something that could easily be mistaken for trash? Or something that clearly exhibits not only your gifts, but your drive and determination? Don’t stay stagnant. Don’t be complacent. Don’t deem yourself a “starving artist”. Get up off your ass and make things happen or become one of those shoulda-coulda-wouldas… “What’s the use of living here if I don’t feel alive? Denied mistakes… So much I’ve done… So much to cry… I cry…”

***Lyrically Speaking-XII Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-XI

“If I could, I would sample your smile… And then I would let my heart beat through the baseline and we would create the greatest love song of all time whenever we stand next to each other… Love, I was the only one made for you… and you… you can be ‘At Last’ by Etta James… me… I’ll be ‘Ooh Child’ when you’re in pain… or you can be candy coated drops of rain even though ‘It Never Rains In Southern California’… and together… me and you… we can be music…” -Rudy Francisco, “Music”, University Ave I have not yet found a single word that describes the relationship that I have with music. Thinking about music reminds me of a Jimmy Cozier song (remember that guy?): “Sometimes I love her… sometimes I love her not… But, I ain’t letting her go… She’s all I got…” As an artist, a woman, and a conscious creature, I cherish the invaluable connection that one can have with a particular song, album, or artist. I bet as some of you were reading the intro stanza, you briefly reminisced about past moments where each song played a role in creating the soundtrack to your life. I think that’s why I get so annoyed beyond belief (and verbal in my disdain) when I turn on the radio and hear track after track of nothingness laid over a “tight beat”. Music used to be about self-expression, sharing information, educating the masses, and creating classic hits that automatically trigger your mind to go back 30 years to the first time you heard it just by hearing the first 5 notes of the melody. Sadly, it’s not like that anymore. A dope poet by the name of Ise Lyfe recently said something at a show that has stuck with me: “We are the space between the ancestors and God… fill it up…” He also talked about how the remedial, repetitive “dance songs” that are infecting our airwaves will be the classics of this time, so basically what we hear on the radio is the legacy of music that we are allowing to be created for our children and our children’s children. How does that make you feel? Think about that: what we are currently hearing on the radio will be the oldies or classics of this time… When I think of “classics” I think of Luther, Patti, Tina, Gerald, and the late, great Michael Jackson. MJ’s music has been weaved into the fabric of the world for decades and years from now, when his music becomes far removed like the jazz, blues, and bee-bop that preceded funk soul, r&b, rap, and hip-hop, what will they play on our oldies stations? “I’m boyfriend #2…”(?) “You’re turning me on… You’re turning me off…”(?) “Do the stanky leg… Do the booty do…”(?) “You’re a jerk… I know…”(?) And my favorite (and by “favorite” I mean, “I still can’t believe Debra Lee let this performance air on the BET Awards/Michael Jackson Tribute Show”: “I wish I could fuck every girl in the world…”(?) These may not be the only songs on the radio at this time, but these are the “hits” being made mostly by one-hit wonder makers, aside from Lil Wayne’s delusional song that uses “love” in place of “fuck” on the radio. And we can’t just count theses artists out because they will probably never make another song again. Though the group that made the song disappeared from the face of music and media, “My Boo” will always be one of my favorite “old-school” jams. I am all for freedom of speech and am not a huge supporter of censorship, but I wonder at what point did we stop supporting edutainment and begin accepting and encouraging what some have deemed “new-age coonery?” When did we stop protecting music the way that we clutch poetry so tightly to our chests? When I turn on the radio, it really causes my spirit to ache because music and specifically the words that are contained within a song have always been a basic necessity in my life. Now, you may think that “necessity” isn’t the correct word to use here, but it is. Even when I’m separated from my iPod, I sing or recite lyrics. Melodies breathe through me and words… well, as Mr. Francisco says: “The right words at the right time can make Paul Bunyan’s ax look weak…” There is a power in words that many great minds understand. That is why a true writer may sit for hours, for days if necessary, staring at a screen or a piece of paper, stressing beyond belief because the right word just cannot be found. Others precariously use words as if they’ve never had a proper English class or simply don’t understand that what we say (or write) could be misinterpreted and it is our responsibility to make ourselves as clear as possible. We underestimate and misuse terms like “I love you” when we mean “I kind of like you a little” or “You’re cool to keep around so long as it benefits me” or “I just want to see you naked.” We suck it up and say “It’s cool” when we could be honest and say, “That is so not cool… I’m so disappointed in you” or “Expletive! Expletive! Expletive, you expletive!” In my interview with Beny Blaq, he states that people perceive him as arrogant basically because he doesn’t interact with them as much as they would prefer. From his perspective, he’s an observant person who listens more than he talks. But, this world has become so fast-paced that when someone takes the time to think before responding to the many methods of instant communication, the other party instantly grows impatient. This new world of social networking sites with live streams, text messages, emails, and instant messages has made people impatient and irrational. We have become so accustomed to getting a person’s attention or response at the exact moment we request it, that any rational person (or person who doesn’t want to talk to you right now) is going to ignore you and may even end the friendship. And so much can be misinterpreted with the way that we “speak” to each other using these methods of quick-munication. It seems like every word has its own acronym now from “lol” to “ttyl” to “smh”. It makes me long for the days when we would carve out a little corner in our days to pick up the phone, tap ten keys, and wait for someone on the other line to greet us joyously. We don’t get to hear people’s voices anymore. And the voices that we do hear on the radio and on the television aren’t doing anything to educate or advance us as an individual, a community, or a people. That’s why I love soulful, classy music… poetry… and spoken word… There’s no rush… no slip-ups… no preconceived notions or assumptions… Just a spectrum of letters… and melodies… “And when my friends ask if you’re my girlfriend… I’ll say, ‘No… she… she is my musician… and me…I guess you could say… I’m her favorite song…”

***Lyrically Speaking-XI Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-X

“Turn the lights out… this shit’s way too fucking bright… why not poke my eyes out… if you wanna mess with my eyesight?… just let me get my head right… where the hell am I?... who are you?... what'd we do… last night?...” –Britney Spears, “Blur”, Circus For the past couple of weeks, I have attempted to write this 10th edition of “Lyrically Speaking”. My cup runneth over with lyrics—as the quotes painted on my home-office’s walls display—but none of them seemed to be worth discussing. I wasn’t inspired. Twice, I sat down and scribbled out bullshit about clever minds and coincidences and something else that is not even worth remembering. I knew what I had written lacked substance and I was embarrassed to submit it; so, I didn’t. Instead, I secretly grew more and more aware that this could be the first month that I had nothing lyrically to speak about. Then, I bought Britney Spears’ newest album. Before you begin to go down the list of drama surrounding the starlet, I urge you to give the album a try. A few songs, for me, are definite misses, but some like “If You Seek Amy”—which a friend’s hubby pointed out sounds awfully close to a two-word expletive phrase—are simply intoxicating whether we want to admit it or not. I’ve been listening to “Blur” in a trance-like repetition for the last two days. Slowly, I’m leaning into “Unusual You”, but something about “Blur” just makes me want to dance. Aside from random Hip-Hop classes, I haven’t really danced since I choreographer and performed to John Legend’s “So High” at my sister’s wedding 4 years ago. I haven’t had much time to dance lately or do any of the things that kept me from becoming a “grown up”. My recent 22nd birthday was a hard thing for me to come to grips with, even though my mother had again faced her fear of flying to visit us from Baltimore and my husband had wrangled up all his friends to meet us at The Cheesecake Factory when all but one of my friends here in Cali had “other plans”. That day, I felt like my childhood was coming to an end because I wasn’t making time for the kid in me. I felt like I’d been living a 27 year-old’s life for so long… what possibly could 22 bring? “Can't remember what I did last night… maybe I shouldn't have given in, but I just couldn't fight… hope I didn't but I think I might've… everything… everything is still a blur…” I will dance again. And I will come to work on a Saturday to finally give into the seductive tree that has been calling out, “Nisey, come climb me and read under the shade of my leaves,” every day as I set out on my 20 minute drive home. See, we tend to take these small things for granted because our high heels, ties, and big boys’ and girls’ pants tell us to trade in our toys for board meetings and beer. Fuck that… “I don’t wanna grow up… I’m a Toys"R"Us kid...” and I will never get rid of my stuffed Tiggers and Barbies… Neither should you. Take time out to do things for the kid in you. Buy an ice cream cone… go skating… skip rocks across a pond… have a sleepover with your best girlfriends… What were your favorite things to do as a kid? Do them! Don’t let this world suck the joy from your life. All work and no play leaves your vision blurred…

***Lyrically Speaking-X Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-IX

“It could all be so simple… but, you’d rather make it hard… loving you is like a battle… and we both end up with scars… tell me who I have to be… to gain some reciprocity… see, no one loves you more than me… and no one ever will…” -Lauryn Hill, “Ex Factor” The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill The first boy to ever show serious interest in me stood at the end of a rectangular table, with a weapon pressed against his throat, yelling, “Jenise! If you won’t marry me, I’ll kill myself!” And I, seated at the other end of the table, being the Taurus that I am, rose up in a bull-like stance, eyes piercing, retorting, “Then, go ahead and do it!” We were in the 2nd grade. And the weapon held tightly in the curly-haired kid’s hand was a plastic spork. Noah was crazy about me. So crazy, in fact, that he spent half of recess chasing me, a blue cone held crooked amidst those dark brown curls. It was like a never-ending game. No matter how fast and long I ran, he trailed right behind me. Until Mrs. Jackson sat him down on the stairs. He whined. She scolded, “Noah, chill out, okay? It’s your birthday.” He didn’t want to chill out. He wanted to kiss me. Need I remind you, we were in the 2nd grade… “Is this just a silly game… that forces you to act this way… forces you to scream my name… then pretend that you can't stay… tell me, who I have to be… to gain some reciprocity… see, no one loves you more than me… and no one ever will…” The kid with the curly hair was unrelenting in his admiration of me. And I, unknowingly, added fuel to the fire by responding adversely. The more I ran, the more he chased, and no matter what I said to him, it never seemed to hurt his feelings or slow his strides. Noah was a fighter. I wonder how I would’ve felt… standing in a crowded room… weapon piercing my throat… calling out to my love… only to have that person say, “Go ahead and do it…” Would I? Or would I continue with my strides in pursuit of my passions, not necessarily a person? Life throws obstacles our way. People say the cruelest of things when we are already two feet below rock bottom. Friends turn their backs to us, family members misuse us, and the sky gets cloudier and cloudier. But, we can’t let that stop us. Those people don’t have control over us any more than my cruel words had control over Noah. He didn’t let that stop him. He continued to annoy me with his love anyway. And, I must admit… I did like him. And we might be good friends to this day if I had responded to his affection differently. See, sometimes the biggest obstacles aren’t external. Sometimes, the biggest obstacles are ourselves… “I keep letting you back in… how can I explain myself… as painful as this thing has been… I just can't be with no one else… see, I know what we got to do… you let go and I'll let go too… 'cause no one's hurt me more than you… and no one ever will…”

***Lyrically Speaking-IX Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-VIII

“If you don’t know… now you know you gonna miss… my love… and I ain’t stressing ‘bout a doggone thang… ‘cause I was true when I gave you… my love… if… you… search you will never find… another love like… my lve… you’re gonna miss me… I ain’t got time while you sit around and play with… my love…” -Destiny’s Child, “If”, Destiny Fulfilled My love is not to be taken for granted. I gave it to you freely and abundantly and you did not appreciate it… When it was there, you weren’t. Now that it’s gone, here you are. But, it’s too late. So, stop calling… stop writing… stop sending “friend requests”… we are not friends. You had your Chance. You choose Community Chess. Well, checkmate. It’s clear that this is not your game. Doesn’t matter. I’m no longer playing. I’m removing my gloves… I’m beginning to think that you never loved me. That all this time, you were a mirage created by my dehydrated heart. I was thirsty for love. Thirsting for a sip that would quench this need, but you merely teased me with a drop on my tongue… I don’t taste you no more. Don’t smell that scent that used to draw me in. Don’t hear that tone that cheered my soul. Don’t feel the way I used to feel… Don’t see why I wasted my time on you… But, I won’t anymore. And you… you don’t have control anymore… Don’t have that hold anymore. Let me go… You didn’t love me when you had me, so… let me go… Didn’t clutch me when I needed an embrace… Didn’t kiss me when I needed to feel your flesh upon my face… let me go… Because I released you… A long time ago… ***People don’t have control over us. We control their impact on our lives. If someone is not loving you the way that you need to be loved or supporting you or accepting of the person that you are, realize that they are who they are, accept it, and let the situation go. You cannot change them; you can only change your perspective. You are beautiful… dynamic… intelligent… unique… and worthy. It may seem like you do, but you do not need their approval. This is your life to live, so live it…

***Lyrically Speaking-VIII Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-VII

“A best friend is one you can do embarrassing things in front of with confidence.” -Ccep J. Dew I was thinking about one of my best friends today. Before I moved here to California, we spent about two months hanging out every week and not one of those days did I feel uncomfortable. From day one to today, I have always felt like myself around Mary. It’s refreshing to feel that way about another person, especially in this day when unhealthy rivalry is so present amongst female friends especially. Mary’s not my only best friend, of course. My husband is my “bestest friend in the whole wide world” and of course there’s my mother and my big sister—plus a few others who are more than friends, but kind of less than best friends—but, the thing I love about my friendship with Mary is that not once have I felt jealous of her and not once has she shown any jealousy towards me. We are beautiful, intelligent, blessed, and gifted young ladies and instead of wanting to one-up one another, we celebrate each other and do what we can to help the other excel. For example, Mary is reading over one of my novels that is no where near the finished perfection I want it to be. But, I trust her with it and I respect her feedback, which is usually along the lines of “You go, girl!” And when she needed a name for her massage practice, I suggested “A Muse’s Touch”, which she eventually chose to use. In my 21 years on this earth, I have had “best friends” come and go, and I can honestly say that Mary is one of the only ones I have ever felt this way about. I don’t have to be better than her. I don’t have to brag to her. I don’t have to downplay her accomplishments to make mine seem bigger. I can be equal to her and I am and wherever life takes me, she can rest assured that I will be buying an extra ticket for her to come with. I never really understood those “sister-friend” movies like Waiting To Exhale until now. In the past, my sister-friends always had to be more than me. They always made it clear that we were friends, as long as I knew my place was second, and I can admit, I’ve done the same with some of my friends. But, I think that’s how you know that particular relationship is seasonal. When you are in need of an ear to listen, and your friend doesn’t answer, and you don’t get mad that they aren’t there at that exact moment… that is true friendship. When your friend gets a great promotion while you are struggling with two jobs and you are genuinely happy for them… that is true friendship. When you can dance like Elaine from Seinfeld and not care that people are staring, while she does the Funky Chicken next to you before breaking out into the Running Man… that is true friendship. There are a few other people I can think of that I can be a total dork around and not care. When I do relax and act like the bookworm nerd that I truly am, they don’t make snide comments, call me names, or anything like that. Usually, they are acting just as dorky, if not more. And I’m grateful to have these people in my life. They make each day a little bit easier. So, I challenge you to reevaluate your friendships. Are you in a competition? Do you often assure yourself that you’re prettier, smarter, or more athletic than your friends? If so, then you should realize that you are feeling insecure and a real friendship shouldn’t make you feel less than, whether the person says things to make you feel bad or if it’s just in your mind. Surround yourself with people who encourage you to sing at the top of your lungs in your best Christina Aguilera voice, knowing full-well that you are no Christina Aguilera. I mean it! Hold onto people who make you smile within and make you want to be the dorkiest you that you can possibly be. My hubby not only encourages me to sing “And I Am Telling You” karaoke-style in our living room, but he joins in for some songs. That’s bestest friendship. That’s true love ***Lyrically Speaking-VII Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-VI

“Ok, here's what I want you to do: I want you to look me right in my eyes… and I want you to tell me… exactly… what you want me to do to you… You ready?” -Ne-Yo, “Say It”, Because of You I know what you’re thinking: “Oh, no she didn’t take it there!” Oh, yes… I did. Ladies and gentlemen, 2009 has begun. We can go back and think about the things we didn’t do in ‘08, the things we didn’t say, the relationships that we didn’t pursue (be they romantic or platonic), the things we didn’t finish, and the things we didn’t even try. But, why do that? Why not focus on today? The present is here. Open your gift. Your gift is your mouth. Your own mouth. You have the ability to speak things into existence and this can work for, as well as against, you. You know how people say, “Be careful what you wish for?” Well, it’s true; especially when you say it aloud. If you want to advance in your career, say so. Tell a mentor who can help you. If you want to lose weight, tell a friend who will support you. If you want to adjust your mentality, say it. Write an affirmation on a piece of paper, tape it to your mirror, and say it every morning: “I am beautiful, I am worthy, and I will make the most of today.” It really is powerful. “Tell me what you want… Oh, you want that? Say the word… Turn around…” -Ne-Yo, “Say It”, Because of You On the flip side, watch what you say. If that hunk-a-chocolate you’ve been eyeing is giving you the eye back, and you know he has a girlfriend, keep your mouth shut! Don’t go tell your best friend, “He is sexy. I want him!” You might get him… and all the drama that comes with it. Thinking lustful, negative, and spiteful things are “bad”, but it’s human, so I can’t knock you. The problem comes when you speak it aloud and confirm your intentions. Be wiser in 2009. Leave that man alone, girl! Now, getting back to this Ne-Yo track… When it comes to your life, your happiness, your fulfillment, your contentment, your satisfaction: say it! Tell the waiter you asked for no onions on your burger… Tell your mother you don’t have time to weed her garden right this second, but you can make time for her Saturday… Tell your boss that you deserve a raise and list the reasons why… Tell your spouse how you are feeling in your relationship… Tell your lover what you like, what you don’t like, and what you might like to try. You’d be surprised. Maybe he or she was thinking about furry handcuffs too and was afraid it would freak you out. I’m just saying: don’t hold back this year. Think it through and then go for what you really want. Don’t wait for it to come to you. Go out and get it. Ask for it. Hell, demand it if you really need it. Maybe, I’m talking about life in general. Maybe, I’m talking about something else ;-) The point is, I’m talking. I’m saying it… What are you doing? “Girl, why don't you tell me what you want me to do to you? Say it… say it… say it... Girl, why don't you tell me what you want from me? Girl, won't you say it… say it… say it...” -Ne-Yo, “Say It”, Because of You

***Lyrically Speaking-VI

Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-V

“Yeah, I did it… You should know it… I ain’t sorry… You deserved it… After what you did to me, you deserved it… I ain’t sorry… No…” -Jazmine Sullivan, “Bust Your Windows”, Fearless Anger is a powerful emotion. Just ask someone with a fist-print in their wall. And the most passionate display of anger is through revenge. Am I crazy? No. I’m just a young woman who appreciates the complexities of life. There is nothing that can drive a sane person absolutely off the deep-end like being hurt by someone, whether they are close to you or not. My mother has this thing about dart-guns. One of those long reeds like natives carry to hunt. While in traffic, whenever someone cuts her off or otherwise pisses her off, she exclames, “I wish I had a dart gun,” then puts up her imaginary weapon to blow out the offender’s tires. Other times, when people jaywalk in the street, she imagines running them over, then pressing rewind, so that next time they’ll know to cross at the crosswalk and stay out of her way. A little drastic? Nope. Don’t pretend you haven’t envisioned some violent act against another who has wronged you or plotted the demise of your arch-nemesis. We all do it. It’s human to feel anger. It is also human to want desperately to act on that anger. But, you shouldn’t. That’s when bad things happen. Movies like Waiting To Exhale make setting cars on fire seem like a good thing to do when your marriage is over. But, what happens when the police show up? You go to jail. That’s what. Jazmine Sullivan has given the world a new anthem to commit crimes to. Sure, I’d love to jump out of the car and fight the woman on the cell phone who just cut me off; I’d love to throw something at the man going 20 in a 65; I’d even like to report the cop who put on his siren, forcing me out of the way, just so he could go through the red light and cut the noise back off. But, I would also like to be able to tell my children that I have never been arrested. So, I think these thoughts to myself, or voice them aloud when in understanding company. Truth be told, I don’t even like the song “Bust Your Windows”, but there is something about those last lines about just giving someone what they deserve that speaks to me. “No, I didn’t call you back…” “No, I’m not coming over in the middle of the night because you refuse to call the cops…” “No, I’m not rearranging my schedule for you…” “Ha! Why the hell would I lend you money?” “No, I’m not giving you another chance. Four times was quite enough, don’t cha think?” What if we could just bust those windows? What if we could get that car towed, then pull into our rightful parking space? What if we could tell our boss to kiss it with lipstick on to leave a lasting impression? Why, then, my friends, the world would probably be covered in glass and the recession wouldn’t matter because we’d all be behind bars. So, instead of perpetuating the stereotype of the crazy baby momma or the no good so-and-so, take your ass to the gym and work out. Hit a punching bag. Go to hip-hop class. Work that pent-up hostility off for your own good. Or sit back with a soothing cup of tea, inhale, exhale, and imagine throwing a brick through your neighbor’s window. Busting a window and slashing tires: too damn expensive… Crashing into the fool who just cut you off: too damn expensive… Cussing out your boss when people are losing jobs: just plain ‘ole crazy… Damage-free revenge: priceless. “But, it don’t compare to my broken heart… You could never feel how I felt that day… Until it happens, baby, you don’t know pain…” -Jazmine Sullivan, “Bust Your Windows”, Fearless ***Lyrically Speaking-V Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-IV

“…Do the mistakes I make make me a fool or a human with flaws? Admit that I’m lost… Round of applause… Take the abuse… Sometimes it feels like they want me to lose… It’s entertainment: is that an excuse? But, the question that lingers whether win or lose is…” -Rihanna, “Question Existing”, Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded Sometimes I wonder who I'm living for… If I'm making choices because I want to or living by default… Am I walking on eggshells, lightly piercing my feet, because it's more bearable than the torments of conflict and heartbreak?… Am I being true to myself?… I wonder if my condition only exists because of other people… Like, if it were just me in this world with no family and no friends, would I make the same decisions and react the same way to the same circumstances?… I really want to be free… Free from fears of not pleasing the ones I love… Free to just go with the flow, but I can't… I've been trained to live by protocol… To put others before myself… To think ahead and stop things from happening before they happen, but I'm not psychic… So I fail… I fail to see the beauty in the mud regardless of the fact that without its two main components, there would be no flourishment… No nourishment and I'm starving… Needing to be fed meat… Coffee and rice cakes can only do so much, but I can't eat 'cause I'm being served bullshit that I apparently prepared… Who's to blame?… I want to crawl ass first into a hole built for one and sleep… Slumber with one eye open because I know they're coming to interrupt my rest… They're coming to snatch away my peace and I can't take it… Is sadness not enough?… Is loneliness not enough?… I'm sooo discouraged… Feeling like a cowardly lieon, telling false truths of my greatness when truthfully speaking… What am I living for?… What am I dying for?… For pride?… For an image?… For towering expectations?… I'm short and I don't have the energy to take leaps and bounds… I'm tired and I don't have the strength to reawaken the warrior in me… I don't want to talk almost as much as I don't want to listen… I just want to write and sleep and dream sweet slideshows in hi-definition as I search to define myself… Because I'm feeling like I'm lacking edges… “Who am I living for? Is this my limit? Can I endure some more? Chances are given… Question existing…” -Rihanna, “Question Existing”, Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded ***Lyrically Speaking-IV Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-III

“…To paraphrase the greatest lesson my mother ever taught me, I’m gonna do what makes me feel good…” -13 of Nazareth, “A Tone Meant To Heal”, Fallout Shelter: an epileptic’s epic I write… draw… act… sing (sometimes)… cook… bake… color… crochet… do spoken word… and eat Butterfinger Crisp bars layer by layer because it makes me feel good. A lot of times, we refrain from doing things because of what people will think or say. Instead of starting our dream business, leaving college because it’s just not for us, admitting we’re in an abusive relationship, or pursuing the one we adore, we don’t. We let our fear of other people’s opinions stop us from singing out loud, eating cake regardless of the calorie count, and having two milkshakes despite our lactose intolerance. From birth, we are “programmed” to act, think, and speak a certain way depending on our environment and circumstances. Any deviation from this program makes people judge us and leave us feeling like outcasts. And even when we enjoy something, a single sentence from a loved one can put an end to it. For example, my sister is a hair stylist. One day, she made a comment that changed my hairstyles forever. I had a part down the middle of my head, which she called a “country part” and told me never to wear again. I was young and she’s a professional, so I figured she was right. To this day, I cannot wear a ponytail with a “country part” because I think of that day and put a part at my temple instead. Prior to that day, I was happy with the centered part. Now, I guess psychologically I can’t do it. Even though I like the temple part better, how much happier would I be if my choice hadn’t been “taken away”? My hair may not seem important to you, but think about it… How many times have you stopped doing something or changed your perception because of someone else’s comment? How many parties and events have you been dragged to by people who are no longer your friends? Chose a college or career to please your parents? Had a child because your spouse or significant other desperately wanted one? Dated a guy or girl because your friends thought you’d be sooooo cute together? Peer pressure… Family guilt-trips… Social standards… Religious practices… All these things can have a way of influencing us to do what is conflict-free instead of doing what makes us free. So, today start making choices that will enrich your life. It’s never too late to go back to school (there are options to work around your schedule), have a child (there’s always adoption), learn a new skill (I’m getting better at hip-hop dance dancing and I’m moving on to jazz!), or try a new restaurant (such as Paulie’s Pizza Kitchen in San Diego). It’s never too late to forgive, ask for forgiveness, try again, say “I love you,” or say “I love me.” In fact, say it now: “I love me and I’m going to live a life that makes me happy!” When it comes to your happiness, your health, and your well-being, it is perfectly okay to be selfish. “…And if the world feels good in the process… Cool… If not… Cool… Because I didn’t write this for you. I wrote this to feel good… and I do.” -13 of Nazareth, “A Tone Meant To Heal”, Fallout Shelter: an epileptic’s epic ***Lyrically Speaking-III Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-II

“…Land seems so far when your own sails you away like a bad omen and every other brother’s a Roman. Wanting to rope and beat me. Rather see me hanging from a cross or a tree than succeed…”

-Future, “The Calling”, Darker Side of Black What happened to role models? What happened to placing people on pedestals that they could live up to? What happened to FOX 45’s Champions of Courage? Where have our heroes gone? There are so many amazing people who pass by us everyday. Yet in this society, we tend to be so caught up in “celebrities” that we don’t see them. Don’t get me wrong; some of these celebs deserve our admiration. I would love nothing more than to spend a few hours talking to actress/producer/singer Jada Pinkett-Smith, but I cherish the relationship I’m building with EDCH Apparel CEO Elon, the time I spent intervewing director/choreographer Sherman Shoate, and the moment I shared with my husband meeting Saul Williams. These, ladies and gentlemen, are my superheroes. And I am someone’s superhero. And just like everyone else who has been anointed with a gift to save, I have been faced with challenges. Strangers don’t bother me much. I tend to make a good first impression on people. Usually, they’re surprised to learn that I’m not 15 and am, in fact, a 21 year-old Navy wife. But, it’s so called “friends” and rarely calling “family” who do the best at hindering my path. The very ones who hold our love and respect, the very ones we entrust with our hearts, these are the ones who hurt us the most because they don’t believe in us and we feel that we need them to. And it’s not their faults. There’s a cycle of faithlessness that continues through generations because way back when, someone’s mother or father didn’t reach their goals. Since life wasn’t kind to them, they didn’t know how to uplift others. And so today, we unconsciously (and some time purposely) say or do things to keep other’s from excelling. I was told my voice wasn’t strong enough to sing a song that I wrote. I was laughed at when I shared a song that expressed my pain years before admitting I suffer from depression. And for years I let those events keep me from sharing my writings, which was like not sharing a large part of myself. The name calling and the belittling was in the form of jokes. Only, I wasn’t laughing and I’m still not. Look at Christ: He came to this Earth to save us and his own people turned against him and watched as he was crucified. They could have saved him, but they chose to let a thief go free because they didn’t understand Christ’s calling. He, however, accepted their hatred because he understood the place that it came from. He loved them the same and continued with his mission. He served his purpose with no regrets. Or take Senator Obama and Senator Clinton for example. Both were born with the purpose of making a difference in this world. For once—and in our lifetime at that—an African-American and a woman is able to run for president. Regardless of who actually makes it into office, we, as American citizens, have already won just by having that dream take form. And the media did its best to slander both senators, refusing to turn it’s venom towards John McCain until the Democratic nomination was made and he became an official “threat”. People hate what they don’t understand. People hate change. People hate feeling inferior, hence slavery and apartheid and terrorism. But, we have to recognize our power. We have to believe in ourselves first. We have to realize our purpose and stop at nothing to fulfill it. Family and friends will support you once they see strangers buying your product and offering you a shoulder to lean on. They may not admit they were wrong, but eventually they will come around. You have to make up your mind that you are not going to wait, singing, “She’ll be coming ‘round the mountain when she comes…” Instead, stand firmly in your purpose and protest: “…You wanna set Barabas free and condemn me, then go ‘head…”

-Future, “The Calling”, Darker Side of Black

***Lyrically Speaking-II

Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor

as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com

Lyrically Speaking-I

"We gotta start with love between ourselves Then we can love one another. Don't point the finger at someone else 'Cause it's up to you to discover That the truth alone can set you free. See, you must pull back the covers. The world is dressed in black and white And the music is the color. 'Cause without the truth We can't be healed And if there's no feeling Then there's no love…” -Steph Jones, "Melody To Snap To" Hatred…racism…sexism…homophobia…Black on Black crime…Klu Klux Klan…Nazis…terrorists…Crips…Bloods…West Coast…East Coast… So many of today’s conflicts exist because of the problems of our ancestors. Throughout history, people have always found ways to separate themselves from the rest of society. Oftentimes, this meant finding “fault” in others as a means to elevate oneself. But, the reality is, one was never truly elevated. It was simply a ritual of passing self-hatred on to others. It’s a shame that in today’s society when one is happy and at peace with life he or she is considered “fake” or “egotistical”. What’s wrong with having high self-esteem? Isn’t that what we’re teaching our little girls? We tell them to find beauty in themselves, but when women do, we say they are “vain” or “conceited”. We tell our little boys to be strong and tough, but when men do, we say they are “cold” and “heartless”. Does anyone else see the problem in this? The problem is, who are we to tell anyone anything when it comes to self-esteem? In American Hustle, Katt Williams said it bluntly: “…It’s called self-esteem! It’s esteem of your [expletive] self…!” So, how come we try so hard to control or label someone else when we cannot be honest with ourselves because that’s where it starts. The key to loving, cherishing, and respecting others starts within. When a person can look into the mirror and smile regardless of the bruises, scars, stretchmarks, or what have you, that person deserves to feel amazing and empowered. And instead of calling them “uppity” or “self-centered”, you should ask, “How can I feel that way about myself?” Despite the urge to like ourselves only enough to appear a certain way to others, we have got to stop hating ourselves altogether. I am 21 years old, 5’4, never weighed more than 115 pounds, and in a size 5 pants (though they’re always too long and have to be cuffed). And I love myself. At times I get bothered by little things my family and peers used to (and still do) tease me about, like what my mother calls my “protruding collarbone”, but for the most part I love myself and I’m getting more and more comfortable with my size (or lack of size). And it’s not just about appearance. I love the person that I’m becoming. I love the songs that I write and sing (despite a family member telling me my voice isn’t strong enough). I love the way my body moves in hip-hop class (despite years of believing I could never tighten up my style). And I abosolutely love my caramel complexion and “chestnut” eyes (despite how often my husband assures me that they’re “brown”). Because I am learning to love and accept myself more everyday, I always seek ways to project that on to others. So, I no longer have a problem telling the lady coming out of the store that she looks beautiful today or letting my muse of the moment know how inspired I am. And don’t even get me started on saying “I love you” or just trying to show appreciation for and make things easier for the people who make my day easier, like the mailman at my job who always brings in our mail even though we have mailboxes outside. Love is not something we should keep. It’s meant to be shared in its appropriate form. And what better way to show love and unity than through music? It’s amazing how a simple melody can unite people. I recently went to Reggae Night with a friend and everyone was just having a great time enjoying the live music. In high school, I told a classmate how much I loved Gavin DeGraw and we bonded. She even told me to make sure I get the edition of his album with the bonus cd! Music just has a way of reaching a deep place inside of us that nothing else can touch. That place is where our truth lies. It’s where the love hides beneath layers of pain we hold onto. Let it go! Let go of the hurt. Ignore the brainwashing of our forefathers. We don’t need to hate ourselves or one another any more. All we need is a melody to snap to… “The world needs a melody to snap to We all need a melody to snap to The world needs a melody to snap to A melody to snap to… The world needs a melody to snap to All we need's a melody to snap to The world needs a melody to snap to Snap to…A melody to snap to…" -Steph Jones, "Melody To Snap To" ***Lyrically Speaking-I Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor as published in eXcape the matriX magazine www.eXcapethematriX.com